Kylo "Worst Disney Princess" Ren (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lostapprentice) wrote2017-04-23 02:22 am
lostapprentice) wrote2017-04-23 02:22 am
Recollé Application (Warning for fake suicide?)
PLAYER
YOUR NAME: Ryoko
18+?: Yep
CONTACT:![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
lumieresdedragon
CHARACTERS IN GAME: N/A
RESERVATION LINK: Beep
YOUR NAME: Ryoko
18+?: Yep
CONTACT:
CHARACTERS IN GAME: N/A
RESERVATION LINK: Beep
CHARACTER: CANON SECTION
NAME: Kylo Ren (Ben Solo)
AGE: 29
CANON: Star Wars
NAME: Kylo Ren (Ben Solo)
AGE: 29
CANON: Star Wars
CANON HISTORY: Good old Wookieepedia.
CANON PERSONALITY: Since he was very young, Ben has been manipulated by a dark user of the Force known as Snoke. Given this manipulation, the lack of attention from his parents, and the reveal in his mid-twenties that Darth Vader was his grandfather (in the worst way possible—by the rest of the galaxy learning first), it was no surprise he turned to the dark side. It was a turn that was seen by many as absolute, especially given his brutal slaughter of the fledgling Jedi order, much in the way his grandfather murdered the Jedi younglings of his time. He headed this effort himself under Snoke's direction, becoming known as the ruthless "Jedi Killer" as he continued to track down and eliminate all Force-sensitives in the galaxy, be they Jedi or not.
Kylo Ren's grandfather, Darth Vader, is his idol, and he seeks to emulate the powerful Sith Lord in any way he can. Thanks to Snoke, Kylo Ren has come to see his grandfather's achievements in his service to the Empire as admirable, with the man's final sacrifice for his son as his one failing. He intends to learn from his example, to become feared and powerful in the name of the First Order, without allowing sentiment to cloud his mind. His black helm, fitted with a voice altering device, is the most obvious way that he styles himself after Vader, though his general mannerisms, his pursuit of the dark side of the Force, and his refusal to rein in his explosive temper also stem from his obsession.
One major difference from the terrifying Sith, however, is that his anger tends to manifest in violent tantrums. His anger seems to come more easily than Vader's, or at least more visibly, and when it comes to a head, Kylo Ren lashes out at anything in his reach, usually destroying equipment with his lightsaber and/or threatening officers who have brought bad news. This has occurred often enough that stormtroopers are able to recognize it and avoid it, and at least one officer is intimidated enough to be fearful of him, although it is important to note that we have yet to explicitly see him kill an officer of the First Order, as his grandfather did in the Empire. His anger can also appear in less volatile (though no less immature) ways, however; not unlike his father, he has his moments of sarcasm, often at the expense of others. Given his disposition and the circumstances, this is the only instance of humor that we see from him, and it's likely the only kind he's willing to indulge in.
His issues with his anger are only exacerbated by his utter lack of respect for almost anyone other than Supreme Leader Snoke—even his approximate equal in status, General Hux, is not exempt. He has no respect for his subordinates, as mentioned above. He has no respect for his true family, referring to his father as "weak and foolish" and a "thief" and trying to take his uncle's lightsaber for himself. He has no respect for his enemies, gladly torturing them with the Force or his lightsaber. And despite his attempts to hold on to an air of pride, he also has little respect for himself—he has "destroyed" himself for the sake of the dark side and Snoke, seeing his younger self as an obstacle, as flawed as his father. The one exception to this appears to be the young Force user Rey, whom he feels a strange connection to, but even this hasn't resulted in anything truly positive as of Episode VII.
By cutting himself off from his past, Kylo Ren has isolated himself almost completely. None of his allies like him, and Snoke is only using him for his abilities—something which he is aware of but refuses to acknowledge. The other "Knights of Ren" mentioned in the film are not present, and it is unlikely they respect him for anything but his power, not unlike Snoke. When he seeks advice in a moment of weakness, he sits in his room alone with his grandfather's burned helmet, asking a man long-dead to guide him. In an attempt to destroy the weakness in himself and gain strength in his isolation, he kills his father, but the look on the man's face after Han Solo falls is one of near horror—he realizes the mistake he's made in killing the only person who's truly shown he cares. His father's last gesture was a sign of love even as he died, accepting him despite the violent act, further deepening the conflict he feels.
That isolation has brought him a great loneliness, something which he does not entirely recognize. This is one of the reasons he's so drawn to Rey, even before she reveals her Force potential. When probing her mind, he sees her loneliness as well as her attachment to Han Solo, and visibly becomes irate, telling her "he would have disappointed you," as if to warn her against it, and when he senses something in her, he tells her, "Don't be afraid, I feel it too." After she pushes him out of her head, he becomes even more interested in her, telling Snoke of her abilities in an attempt to convince the Supreme Leader to sway her. When Snoke agrees to meet the girl, Ren pursues her immediately, regardless of the Rebellion's attack on their base. And even during their lightsaber battle, he tells her he's willing to become her teacher, seemingly desperate to reach out to someone who might accompany him on his dark path under Snoke as more than a reluctant ally, someone who can truly understand him.
Having equal potential for light and dark, Kylo Ren struggles to follow Snoke's teachings entirely, partially because it requires him to give up one of the few things left that he could belong to: his family. He's already destroyed one of them in the Jedi order, however, and when his father reaches out to him, he says he believes it's too late to turn back. Despite the fact that he has separated himself from all of the positive things he had, he is determined to follow Snoke and the First Order in the hopes that it will eventually calm the turmoil he feels in his mind, which he describes as "being torn apart." He believes that gaining the Supreme Leader's approval—something which he and Hux compete over—will make everything worthwhile.
In some ways, fear also guides him, although he may not entirely be aware of it. Fear of disappointing Snoke and of not living up to his grandfather's legacy are major driving forces, but in his encounter with Rey he also discovers a fear of defeat, of not being the most powerful. Having killed all but one Jedi, Kylo Ren has become one of the most powerful beings in the galaxy, and when faced with an enemy who can overpower him, he quickly loses his confident demeanor and fighting style, becoming shocked, unsettled, and unsure of how to proceed. It is doubtful he knew what it was like to be truly powerless until that point, and it's something that would drive him to train even harder... well, if he could remember, anyway.
SKILLS/ABILITIES: Kylo Ren is a powerful Force user with an affinity for both the dark side and the light. Basically, this means he can:
Sense spiritual disturbances. This is very vague. He sensed an "awakening" in the Force, though even we still don't know exactly what that was. I'm open to dropping this or just keeping it for major things that are announced in-character and he just hasn't heard of yet? Things such as game changes, major loss of life, natural disasters, and so on.
Sense whether someone he has a strong bond with is nearby. He sensed his father's arrival on the planet he was on, but did not seem to be able to pinpoint his exact location even when he was fifteen feet away.
Grab/freeze many things in place, including people. He is able to freeze and hold a bolt of pure light/energy/plasma/what have you in midair for at least several minutes at a time and actively hold conversations without seeming to need to concentrate. He can also hold people in place for approximately the same amount of time. I imagine the upper limit to this would be stopping something like a speeding 18-wheeler, though if he was in danger or concentrating, it could be slightly more? (Not that I imagine him needing or wanting to do so.)
Push/pull many things, from small objects to (at least) people. He was able to throw Rey at least ten feet up and back in the air to slam her into a tree, and pulled an officer into his hand from about the same distance. However, if an item is somewhat spiritually powerful and rejects him in some way, as Luke's blue saber did, he is unable to move it properly. It's also fair to say that someone spiritually strong enough and prepared for an attack would be able to resist this. Same upper limit as above?
Force people into unconsciousness. He can seemingly do this with a wave of his hand, and it can apparently last for at least an hour.
Dig into people's minds to recover their memories. This process seems to range from Pretty Dang Uncomfortable to so painful it made a man scream loud enough to break the nearby droid's sensors, depending on how he wants to do it. He can seemingly do this with even the most stubborn of people, if they aren't spiritually powerful. That said, even a beginning Force user was able to shove him out and dig into his mind instead. His mental defenses are probably not very good.
Withstand injuries that would kill normal people. A blast from a bowcaster brings Kylo Ren to his knees, and immediately after that the same weapon is used to kill (and send flying) no less than six armored soldiers.
The above abilities are all explicitly lined out in canon, though I think it is also fair to assume that he would be able to sense supernatural things in general (ghosts, demons, what have you) in a non-canon setting.
Additionally, he is adept in lightsaber combat, being able to use it both defensively to deflect blaster bolts as well as offensively to... well, kill people. He's pretty bad at making lightsabers, though; while he can make a functional one, his unstable, sparking lightsaber with a wire on the outside makes it pretty obvious he isn't great.
In general, he seems pretty fit, as well. He's fast despite his size (or maybe it's just his long legs), but not inhumanly so. It also seems fair to say he knows how to pilot a starship reasonably well, given he has his own shuttle.
Obviously once regained, I would not do any of the mind things on other characters without their permission! I have a permissions post set up here, though honestly I don't use that as much as I just ask people directly.
CANON PERSONALITY: Since he was very young, Ben has been manipulated by a dark user of the Force known as Snoke. Given this manipulation, the lack of attention from his parents, and the reveal in his mid-twenties that Darth Vader was his grandfather (in the worst way possible—by the rest of the galaxy learning first), it was no surprise he turned to the dark side. It was a turn that was seen by many as absolute, especially given his brutal slaughter of the fledgling Jedi order, much in the way his grandfather murdered the Jedi younglings of his time. He headed this effort himself under Snoke's direction, becoming known as the ruthless "Jedi Killer" as he continued to track down and eliminate all Force-sensitives in the galaxy, be they Jedi or not.
Kylo Ren's grandfather, Darth Vader, is his idol, and he seeks to emulate the powerful Sith Lord in any way he can. Thanks to Snoke, Kylo Ren has come to see his grandfather's achievements in his service to the Empire as admirable, with the man's final sacrifice for his son as his one failing. He intends to learn from his example, to become feared and powerful in the name of the First Order, without allowing sentiment to cloud his mind. His black helm, fitted with a voice altering device, is the most obvious way that he styles himself after Vader, though his general mannerisms, his pursuit of the dark side of the Force, and his refusal to rein in his explosive temper also stem from his obsession.
One major difference from the terrifying Sith, however, is that his anger tends to manifest in violent tantrums. His anger seems to come more easily than Vader's, or at least more visibly, and when it comes to a head, Kylo Ren lashes out at anything in his reach, usually destroying equipment with his lightsaber and/or threatening officers who have brought bad news. This has occurred often enough that stormtroopers are able to recognize it and avoid it, and at least one officer is intimidated enough to be fearful of him, although it is important to note that we have yet to explicitly see him kill an officer of the First Order, as his grandfather did in the Empire. His anger can also appear in less volatile (though no less immature) ways, however; not unlike his father, he has his moments of sarcasm, often at the expense of others. Given his disposition and the circumstances, this is the only instance of humor that we see from him, and it's likely the only kind he's willing to indulge in.
His issues with his anger are only exacerbated by his utter lack of respect for almost anyone other than Supreme Leader Snoke—even his approximate equal in status, General Hux, is not exempt. He has no respect for his subordinates, as mentioned above. He has no respect for his true family, referring to his father as "weak and foolish" and a "thief" and trying to take his uncle's lightsaber for himself. He has no respect for his enemies, gladly torturing them with the Force or his lightsaber. And despite his attempts to hold on to an air of pride, he also has little respect for himself—he has "destroyed" himself for the sake of the dark side and Snoke, seeing his younger self as an obstacle, as flawed as his father. The one exception to this appears to be the young Force user Rey, whom he feels a strange connection to, but even this hasn't resulted in anything truly positive as of Episode VII.
By cutting himself off from his past, Kylo Ren has isolated himself almost completely. None of his allies like him, and Snoke is only using him for his abilities—something which he is aware of but refuses to acknowledge. The other "Knights of Ren" mentioned in the film are not present, and it is unlikely they respect him for anything but his power, not unlike Snoke. When he seeks advice in a moment of weakness, he sits in his room alone with his grandfather's burned helmet, asking a man long-dead to guide him. In an attempt to destroy the weakness in himself and gain strength in his isolation, he kills his father, but the look on the man's face after Han Solo falls is one of near horror—he realizes the mistake he's made in killing the only person who's truly shown he cares. His father's last gesture was a sign of love even as he died, accepting him despite the violent act, further deepening the conflict he feels.
That isolation has brought him a great loneliness, something which he does not entirely recognize. This is one of the reasons he's so drawn to Rey, even before she reveals her Force potential. When probing her mind, he sees her loneliness as well as her attachment to Han Solo, and visibly becomes irate, telling her "he would have disappointed you," as if to warn her against it, and when he senses something in her, he tells her, "Don't be afraid, I feel it too." After she pushes him out of her head, he becomes even more interested in her, telling Snoke of her abilities in an attempt to convince the Supreme Leader to sway her. When Snoke agrees to meet the girl, Ren pursues her immediately, regardless of the Rebellion's attack on their base. And even during their lightsaber battle, he tells her he's willing to become her teacher, seemingly desperate to reach out to someone who might accompany him on his dark path under Snoke as more than a reluctant ally, someone who can truly understand him.
Having equal potential for light and dark, Kylo Ren struggles to follow Snoke's teachings entirely, partially because it requires him to give up one of the few things left that he could belong to: his family. He's already destroyed one of them in the Jedi order, however, and when his father reaches out to him, he says he believes it's too late to turn back. Despite the fact that he has separated himself from all of the positive things he had, he is determined to follow Snoke and the First Order in the hopes that it will eventually calm the turmoil he feels in his mind, which he describes as "being torn apart." He believes that gaining the Supreme Leader's approval—something which he and Hux compete over—will make everything worthwhile.
In some ways, fear also guides him, although he may not entirely be aware of it. Fear of disappointing Snoke and of not living up to his grandfather's legacy are major driving forces, but in his encounter with Rey he also discovers a fear of defeat, of not being the most powerful. Having killed all but one Jedi, Kylo Ren has become one of the most powerful beings in the galaxy, and when faced with an enemy who can overpower him, he quickly loses his confident demeanor and fighting style, becoming shocked, unsettled, and unsure of how to proceed. It is doubtful he knew what it was like to be truly powerless until that point, and it's something that would drive him to train even harder... well, if he could remember, anyway.
SKILLS/ABILITIES: Kylo Ren is a powerful Force user with an affinity for both the dark side and the light. Basically, this means he can:
Sense spiritual disturbances. This is very vague. He sensed an "awakening" in the Force, though even we still don't know exactly what that was. I'm open to dropping this or just keeping it for major things that are announced in-character and he just hasn't heard of yet? Things such as game changes, major loss of life, natural disasters, and so on.
Sense whether someone he has a strong bond with is nearby. He sensed his father's arrival on the planet he was on, but did not seem to be able to pinpoint his exact location even when he was fifteen feet away.
Grab/freeze many things in place, including people. He is able to freeze and hold a bolt of pure light/energy/plasma/what have you in midair for at least several minutes at a time and actively hold conversations without seeming to need to concentrate. He can also hold people in place for approximately the same amount of time. I imagine the upper limit to this would be stopping something like a speeding 18-wheeler, though if he was in danger or concentrating, it could be slightly more? (Not that I imagine him needing or wanting to do so.)
Push/pull many things, from small objects to (at least) people. He was able to throw Rey at least ten feet up and back in the air to slam her into a tree, and pulled an officer into his hand from about the same distance. However, if an item is somewhat spiritually powerful and rejects him in some way, as Luke's blue saber did, he is unable to move it properly. It's also fair to say that someone spiritually strong enough and prepared for an attack would be able to resist this. Same upper limit as above?
Force people into unconsciousness. He can seemingly do this with a wave of his hand, and it can apparently last for at least an hour.
Dig into people's minds to recover their memories. This process seems to range from Pretty Dang Uncomfortable to so painful it made a man scream loud enough to break the nearby droid's sensors, depending on how he wants to do it. He can seemingly do this with even the most stubborn of people, if they aren't spiritually powerful. That said, even a beginning Force user was able to shove him out and dig into his mind instead. His mental defenses are probably not very good.
Withstand injuries that would kill normal people. A blast from a bowcaster brings Kylo Ren to his knees, and immediately after that the same weapon is used to kill (and send flying) no less than six armored soldiers.
The above abilities are all explicitly lined out in canon, though I think it is also fair to assume that he would be able to sense supernatural things in general (ghosts, demons, what have you) in a non-canon setting.
Additionally, he is adept in lightsaber combat, being able to use it both defensively to deflect blaster bolts as well as offensively to... well, kill people. He's pretty bad at making lightsabers, though; while he can make a functional one, his unstable, sparking lightsaber with a wire on the outside makes it pretty obvious he isn't great.
In general, he seems pretty fit, as well. He's fast despite his size (or maybe it's just his long legs), but not inhumanly so. It also seems fair to say he knows how to pilot a starship reasonably well, given he has his own shuttle.
Obviously once regained, I would not do any of the mind things on other characters without their permission! I have a permissions post set up here, though honestly I don't use that as much as I just ask people directly.
CHARACTER: AU SECTION
AU NAME: Ben Solo (though he only goes by "Ren Lowe")
AU AGE: 27
PHYSICAL DIFFERENCES: Nothing major? The lack of a few scars at most.
AU NAME: Ben Solo (though he only goes by "Ren Lowe")
AU AGE: 27
PHYSICAL DIFFERENCES: Nothing major? The lack of a few scars at most.
AU HISTORY: Ben Solo was generally a problem child from the beginning, although the very early years were happy enough. His parents, constantly busy with politics (his mother) and racing (his father), were never able to really give Ben the attention he needed, and even when they were all together, their personalities often made them clash, leaving Ben without the healthiest home life.
This grew to the point where, when Ben was about 13, the boy snapped and destroyed half the breakable things in the house and set several other things on fire. His parents, now realizing they were unable to give Ben the environment he needed, sent him to a boarding school where his uncle taught. Although this uncle was very busy and mostly unable to give Ben the attention he needed, as well, there were no real further incidents from Ben aside from the occasional fistfight. Being sent away was one of the worst outcomes, to him; he saw it as his parents abandoning him because he was too much trouble, and most of his hope left him. He struggled with depression on and off, not bothering to tell anyone and not having the energy to lash out in any significant way.
Eventually, he graduated with average grades and went off to college, finding a mild interest in Medieval studies, particularly the culture surrounding knights (and similar eras/structures in other regions; samurai, monks, etc). The thought of doing something for a greater cause and having that sort of camaraderie appealed to him, since he himself had no idea what he wanted to do with his life and felt isolated from his family. And this issue, as well, eventually came to a head...
After the umpteenth time questioning what he was doing with his life, Ben made a drastic decision. After some preparation, he started a fire in his dorm room and faked his death by leaving clues to imply he left to kill himself elsewhere. He took this opportunity to take just the few things he needed and leave, and eventually he made his way to Recollé, several years ago.
Prior to leaving, he had taken some money out of the significant account his mother set out for him, since he did at least realize he'd need money to survive. Even so, he didn't take terribly much and it only lasted so long, so in order to make ends meet, he picks up odd jobs (and participates in underground fight clubs) as he continues to look for a purpose in the big city.
AU PERSONALITY: Due to the lack of manipulation since childhood, notions such as darkness and light and all of that aren't a huge part of him. He still has some trouble with morality, but he isn't exactly okay with killing like his canon self. He is still destructive, as is clear with the occasional arson mentioned, as well as his interest in things like lock picking, heavily physical sports, and weapons, but those sorts of habits aren't necessarily done in the name of harming people, so much as giving himself an outlet.
With a lack of Force abilities comes a lack of entitlement; Ren certainly wants to be a part of something greater, and to make a difference and be noticed, but he doesn't feel like he's destined for it. He's just as willing to work hard, but his anger about failure is much more likely to be entirely directed internally, rather than partly in and partly out at other people. Because of this lack of innate power, he's also even less self-confident, and the facade he puts up to cover that up is even more flimsy.
Similarly, with no universally-feared grandfather, and without the expectations of the entire galaxy on his shoulders, he lacks a goal and real motivation. Not to mention the utter lack of belief in anything supernatural or religious, as much as he'd like to believe in a higher power. He still has an obsessive personality, but with no focus for that, he's a bit of a wanderer. He doesn't know where he really belongs, and it makes him more hesitant than his canon self. Still, he gets along with people significantly better, given the lack of someone telling him that compassion and mercy are wrong, but he is still standoffish and awkward around others, and has difficulty making deep connections, even if he still feels strongly.
Without Snoke, he definitely is Ben Solo more than he is Kylo Ren, even if he's not without his issues. That doesn't mean he's not susceptible to such manipulation, however, even in his current state.
This grew to the point where, when Ben was about 13, the boy snapped and destroyed half the breakable things in the house and set several other things on fire. His parents, now realizing they were unable to give Ben the environment he needed, sent him to a boarding school where his uncle taught. Although this uncle was very busy and mostly unable to give Ben the attention he needed, as well, there were no real further incidents from Ben aside from the occasional fistfight. Being sent away was one of the worst outcomes, to him; he saw it as his parents abandoning him because he was too much trouble, and most of his hope left him. He struggled with depression on and off, not bothering to tell anyone and not having the energy to lash out in any significant way.
Eventually, he graduated with average grades and went off to college, finding a mild interest in Medieval studies, particularly the culture surrounding knights (and similar eras/structures in other regions; samurai, monks, etc). The thought of doing something for a greater cause and having that sort of camaraderie appealed to him, since he himself had no idea what he wanted to do with his life and felt isolated from his family. And this issue, as well, eventually came to a head...
After the umpteenth time questioning what he was doing with his life, Ben made a drastic decision. After some preparation, he started a fire in his dorm room and faked his death by leaving clues to imply he left to kill himself elsewhere. He took this opportunity to take just the few things he needed and leave, and eventually he made his way to Recollé, several years ago.
Prior to leaving, he had taken some money out of the significant account his mother set out for him, since he did at least realize he'd need money to survive. Even so, he didn't take terribly much and it only lasted so long, so in order to make ends meet, he picks up odd jobs (and participates in underground fight clubs) as he continues to look for a purpose in the big city.
AU PERSONALITY: Due to the lack of manipulation since childhood, notions such as darkness and light and all of that aren't a huge part of him. He still has some trouble with morality, but he isn't exactly okay with killing like his canon self. He is still destructive, as is clear with the occasional arson mentioned, as well as his interest in things like lock picking, heavily physical sports, and weapons, but those sorts of habits aren't necessarily done in the name of harming people, so much as giving himself an outlet.
With a lack of Force abilities comes a lack of entitlement; Ren certainly wants to be a part of something greater, and to make a difference and be noticed, but he doesn't feel like he's destined for it. He's just as willing to work hard, but his anger about failure is much more likely to be entirely directed internally, rather than partly in and partly out at other people. Because of this lack of innate power, he's also even less self-confident, and the facade he puts up to cover that up is even more flimsy.
Similarly, with no universally-feared grandfather, and without the expectations of the entire galaxy on his shoulders, he lacks a goal and real motivation. Not to mention the utter lack of belief in anything supernatural or religious, as much as he'd like to believe in a higher power. He still has an obsessive personality, but with no focus for that, he's a bit of a wanderer. He doesn't know where he really belongs, and it makes him more hesitant than his canon self. Still, he gets along with people significantly better, given the lack of someone telling him that compassion and mercy are wrong, but he is still standoffish and awkward around others, and has difficulty making deep connections, even if he still feels strongly.
Without Snoke, he definitely is Ben Solo more than he is Kylo Ren, even if he's not without his issues. That doesn't mean he's not susceptible to such manipulation, however, even in his current state.
SAMPLE
This was just the latest in a string of temp jobs Ren had picked up. Hauling some heavy parts from point a to point b, hardly anything that would occupy his mind or challenge his body—it was just something to pay the bills. Another worthless task in a life that felt pointless.
He wanted to find something that he could feel something about, he really did, but every time he thought he found a real cause or purpose, he either got halfway into it and just realized he felt hollow, or wasn’t able to actually pursue it at all, due to a "lack of qualifications." His parents’ influence could have probably gotten him in the door, but there are certain things you have to do when you fake your own death. He’d had to leave Ben Solo behind, and now Ren was on his own.
It wasn’t that he regretted it, exactly. He still felt like this was what he needed, to start a new life without those connections, without those disappointments. And it wasn’t as if he only viewed his parents as tools that could get him somewhere, or purely as disappointments. Even if he thought he was better off without them, he still... missed them now and again, still loved them.
“Not now, Ren,” he muttered to himself, dipping his head forward and closing his eyes in frustration before starting the company’s truck.
He had to keep going, keep looking. This was just something to get him by until he found whatever it was that was right for him. Recollé had everything to offer, and surely there was a place for him here, somewhere. Something bigger than himself, where he could make a real difference, where people could understand him. It wasn’t that he didn’t have friends in the city after being here for several years, but they were somewhat strained relationships, either due to the others being put off by his blunt attitude or due to him deliberately distancing himself because of how much he felt like a disappointment.
But that would change, eventually. Even if he had moments where he just thought he was doomed to live in complete obscurity, there were just as many times where he was able to encourage himself again. Back and forth, back and forth, like a pendulum. That pendulum was going to tip over one day, and it would change everything.
... he just didn’t expect it to be today, is all.
His phone went off just as he started to make his way out of the complex, making a sound he hadn’t heard it make before, and he picked it up, frowning and swiping the surface to unlock it. Retrospec, read the top of the screen; he’d never installed anything like that, he was sure. But what he saw just below made the blood drain from his face, and filled his chest with a mixture of rage and dread.
Ben Solo. The name he burned six years ago, and hadn’t used or seen since.
“What the hell—?”
(There are also single tags here, here and here, though they haven't been responded to as of the time of this posting.)
This was just the latest in a string of temp jobs Ren had picked up. Hauling some heavy parts from point a to point b, hardly anything that would occupy his mind or challenge his body—it was just something to pay the bills. Another worthless task in a life that felt pointless.
He wanted to find something that he could feel something about, he really did, but every time he thought he found a real cause or purpose, he either got halfway into it and just realized he felt hollow, or wasn’t able to actually pursue it at all, due to a "lack of qualifications." His parents’ influence could have probably gotten him in the door, but there are certain things you have to do when you fake your own death. He’d had to leave Ben Solo behind, and now Ren was on his own.
It wasn’t that he regretted it, exactly. He still felt like this was what he needed, to start a new life without those connections, without those disappointments. And it wasn’t as if he only viewed his parents as tools that could get him somewhere, or purely as disappointments. Even if he thought he was better off without them, he still... missed them now and again, still loved them.
“Not now, Ren,” he muttered to himself, dipping his head forward and closing his eyes in frustration before starting the company’s truck.
He had to keep going, keep looking. This was just something to get him by until he found whatever it was that was right for him. Recollé had everything to offer, and surely there was a place for him here, somewhere. Something bigger than himself, where he could make a real difference, where people could understand him. It wasn’t that he didn’t have friends in the city after being here for several years, but they were somewhat strained relationships, either due to the others being put off by his blunt attitude or due to him deliberately distancing himself because of how much he felt like a disappointment.
But that would change, eventually. Even if he had moments where he just thought he was doomed to live in complete obscurity, there were just as many times where he was able to encourage himself again. Back and forth, back and forth, like a pendulum. That pendulum was going to tip over one day, and it would change everything.
... he just didn’t expect it to be today, is all.
His phone went off just as he started to make his way out of the complex, making a sound he hadn’t heard it make before, and he picked it up, frowning and swiping the surface to unlock it. Retrospec, read the top of the screen; he’d never installed anything like that, he was sure. But what he saw just below made the blood drain from his face, and filled his chest with a mixture of rage and dread.
Ben Solo. The name he burned six years ago, and hadn’t used or seen since.
“What the hell—?”
(There are also single tags here, here and here, though they haven't been responded to as of the time of this posting.)
Revisions
He did have friends as a child, and for a while was able to connect with his peers, but as his conflict with his family grew worse, he started to snap at his friends as well, sometimes reacting in more violent ways. These times weren't severe enough for his friends to call any adults' attention to Ben, but they certainly were enough to drive them away, and in a bitter way Ben encouraged this, feeling the need to keep his problems to himself and keep everyone else out of the way. As a result, he grew mostly distant with those around him.
Ben has a tendency towards the dramatic, even aside from the violent aspects of his personality. That said, he made the decision to get out of the life of Ben Solo after several years (through boarding school and college) of essentially self-imposed isolation, and surprise, he realized he had no friends and no purpose in life except the vaguest idea of what his parents wanted for him. He thought that he needed to separate himself from all that entirely in order to make a change, rather than the rational option of maybe going to a counselor, still obsessed with the idea that he was on his own. So why not make that completely true, if he felt that way anyway?
But what truly cemented the idea to fake his death was a scandal in his mother's political career, and the subsequent disappearance of his uncle. His whole family was ruined anyway, and in a childish way, he wanted his departure to be even more noticed than his initial plan, which would have been to quietly slip away. He wanted to remind his family, who was barely ever in touch while he was in college, that he existed, and that they would miss him when he was gone. The other side of him, however, still felt like they abandoned him, and so thought it was the best way to let them be rid of him permanently.
Ben is a contradictory hypocrite, not unlike his canon self.
Recollé had no significance to him at the point he decided to move there, aside from the fact that it was a bustling city far enough away that could provide him the opportunities he was looking for. The distance and variety in what could be found in the city was its main draw, for him. He could both hide there and never be found by his family, as well as still actively do things and make a difference.
As for the name Ren Lowe... Ben isn't the most creative man. He smudged his first name and took the last syllable of his last name. He just wanted something that worked, but that he wouldn't have to take too long to get used to. He's not that much of a forward-thinking person, and his recklessness has caused him no shortage of troubles, including having to deal with faking his death. Even if he tries to think ahead, he almost never thinks of everything that could become a problem, and as a result his realization that he'd need a new name came somewhat... late.
no subject
He thinks his heartstone reminded him of those one or two foster families that were good to him before he had to leave due to his own (probably violent) actions, and he has regrets over it. However, those regrets are not nearly as much as those in his "normal" memories, making him a little more confident in himself and a little more open.
(Debating on whether he's forgotten the dramatic arson due to having no motive, but it rarely comes up. Hmm. Options.)