lostapprentice | Empatheias Mailbox/Amulet

[He watches Ren run a hand through his hair, resisting the urge to comb a hand through it himself. Now isn't the time, Hux.]

I suppose I'm the only exception to that then?

[Since he's sitting here and tending to Ren's injury like some sort of medical droid. But he'd rather have Ren in top condition than leaving him to suffer, which is why he's even helping in the first place.

Okay, so that's not the only reason, but still.]

You've been admitted to the city's local medcenter before.

Only because I was too weak to argue about it.

[Hux surely remembers that he refused to go back to the hospital after his death, and the time before that he'd left as soon as he was capable.

Ren rests his forearms against his legs, leaning forward and looking at the other man as he speaks.]

... I could do this myself, but I'm sure you'd yell at me if I tried to stop you.

[And there is something nice about Hux actually wanting to help.]

[He would say that those times were Ren's fault as well, except that wasn't true. Mostly his fault, yes, but not entirely. Hux decides to drop that part, mostly because he doesn't want to bring up the time when the Reaper killed him.]

Humph, well, at least you understand that much. [He's mostly done with bandaging him up now, so Hux starts to get up from the floor.]

[Ren's eyes don't follow Hux as he gets up; he simply continues to stare at the spot he occupied, looking particularly tired. The mugginess in the air starts to fade, but the shadows stay as they are, and the knight says nothing as he's drawn further into his own thoughts.

He doesn't know if Hux continuing to lecture him would be better or not, honestly.]

[If things were normal between them, Hux would've taken his leave by now. Let Ren to sulk and mope about whatever, since that isn't too uncommon for him. It would be a lot easier for Hux if he just left him to his thoughts.

But things aren't normal between them.

Hux looks at Ren for a few seconds before a taking a seat next to him on the couch, not yet touching him even though some stupid part of him wants to.]

Are you going to tell me what's bothering you or not. [He doesn't even bother thinking of that whole excuse of 'not wanting the house to be damaged because of Ren's emotions.']

[Hux may restrain himself from touching Ren, but that only means that Ren makes the decision for him, leaning sideways until his head is resting against the other man's shoulder.

He doesn't respond for a while, simply continuing to stare as he tries to find comfort in Armitage's presence, but he does eventually speak in a quiet voice.]

I don't know if I should have gone down there.

[He allows this contact and after a few seconds, Hux runs a hand through his hair, no longer able to resist the urge to do so. If Ren wants comfort, he is willing to give it to him, if only to ensure that the knight stays with Hux.

...And okay he likes it too.]

What happened, Kylo. [Ren never answered him the first time and now he wants to know.]

[He allows his eyes to slide shut, taking in a deep breath as he prepares to answer. He still doesn't know what to think about it all—like most things, he has conflicting feelings.]

I stopped caring entirely. Even aside from what I did and didn't do... there was nothing in me that wanted to fight that.

[It... almost scares him, even though he knows he also sought that out almost immediately. Just giving up was so much easier than continuing to fight.]

[He remembers that all too well, he remembers not enjoying Ren's lack of emotions toward everything. Yes, he managed to save Hux, but it didn't make his behavior any less disconcerting.]

You were affected by this planet. [Not that he normally makes excuses, but Hux is aware that it's difficult to resist at times. Even he fell into his anger during that trip.]

You're the one that mentioned that simply resisting isn't good enough sometimes.

[Kylo furrows his brow, though he's frowning at himself rather than at Hux. He shakes his head just barely, not wanting to move from his current, comfortable position.]

There's a difference between resistance not working and not even trying it at all.

[He briefly looks at the other man, not expecting Ren to admit something like that. So, he didn't even try resisting? Well, the fact that it was apathy affecting him most likely had a hand in that, but it's not something Hux is pleased to hear still.]

You welcomed that apathy?

I did.

[He doesn't even have to question that. A while back, right after that flower festival, before the mess with the murder ever happened... some had feelings forced onto or taken from them, and for Ren it was the latter. He welcomed it then, as well.]

To be able to stop caring... it's something I've wanted for long time.

[Hux never thought that Ren wanted to feel nothing, to stop caring about the world around him. It's not something Hux can really understand, as he doesn't want to be apathetic to what's happening around him.

He still doesn't pull away though.]

Why's that? Your actions pertaining to the First Order never led me to reach this conclusion.

I've always cared too much about things I shouldn't feel anything for. [He shifts a little, some of his hair falling over his face.] It's a weakness of mine that Supreme Leader is already aware of.

[It's another way he's following in his grandfather's footsteps, he supposes, as much as he'd like to avoid Darth Vader's final mistake.]

[Ren cares too much? If he heard him say such a thing a year ago, Hux would've laughed. But. He can see it now and it's not like Ren would lie about that. He's not the type to fool people in that way.

The general briefly wonders if he falls into that description. It's probably for the best if he doesn't think about it.]

Falling completely into apathy isn't the solution to that.

I know.

[He knows he can't simply stop feeling and continue to live his life like that. There are still thinks he wants aside from that, things he can't have if he feels nothing, and that's true both on this planet and in their own galaxy. But as a brief reprieve, he can't resist the idea.]

It doesn't change how I feel.

[Talking about feelings was never one of Hux's strengths.]

...No, I suppose not. [Should he just acknowledge what Ren has said? There's a small amount of confusion coming from the general, apparent enough for Ren to sense.]

If you're unable to stop caring about various things, then you'll just have to find other solutions. Perhaps make it tolerable. [Not that Hux has this sort of problem because he's an asshole.]

There is no solution. That's the point.

[This place has taught him just how much he's powered by conflict, both by inflicting things upon him here and making him reflect on things from their galaxy. Ren brings a hand over his face, letting out a sigh and regretting even bringing this up at all.]

... forget it. Forget I said anything.

[For some reason, the dismissal frustrates Hux. The reasonable thing for him to do is just let this topic drop, but it would feel like his effort to try and help was a complete waste of everyone's time. That thought doesn't sit well with him, even though he's more than aware of his inadequacies in this particular subject.

Maybe he just dislikes being inadequate in anything. Or maybe it's just because Rne is involved.]

No, I'm not going to.

[Kylo finally sits up and looks at the other man properly, a faint frown on his lips as he watches Armitage for a moment. He shakes his head slightly before he responds, turning his gaze away as if to avoid the topic.]

Fine... but I don't want to talk about it.

[The shadows start to revert to their normal intensity, at least; he is a bit heartened by Hux wanting to fix this somehow, even if it might not necessarily be for Kylo's sake alone. Out of everything, he's the thing that's helped Ren's life be more bearable here.]

Edited 2017-02-03 09:15 (UTC)

[Fine, Hux doesn't need to listen to this anymore. He understands the issue at hand and as long Ren knows that he's not forgetting about this, then that will just have to suffice for now. Besides, there's only so much he can tolerate this sort of talk before losing his patience.

At least the shadows have lessened a bit, so Hux was slightly successful. That's the most important thing here.]

For now, you should be spending more time on more important matters, like making me food. [Is Hux joking? Who knows.]

[Ren, at least, decides to take it as one, and he lets out a brief huff of breath through his nose as an approximate laugh. He sets his chin against his hand and his elbow against his knee, raising his eyebrows even though he's still a bit tired emotionally.]

I'm the one who's injured. Shouldn't you be making me things?

Since when being injured stopped you from doing far more dangerous tasks?

[Hux gives Ren a pointed stare.]

I seem to recall a recent incident where you trained despite having an injured leg. [Besides, Ren is the housewife between the two of them.]

So you're saying you're fine with me being on my feet?

[Ren leans forward, almost as if he's preparing to stand up. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. Maybe it depends on how Hux reacts.]

That was easier than I thought.

[He can't stop himself from grabbing Ren's arm, wanting to make sure that he doesn't get up on his feet again despite what he just said. Look, Hux was just trying to make a point here!!]

Sit down you enormous idiot. You're not reopening your injury after I spent the last half hour being your medical droid.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject