Getting allies and potential resources is a long process, Ren, especially since we don't have an organization to fall back on. But I don't expect you to understand this at all.
His gaze sobers as he turns it back to the fire, answering glumly.]
I understand our situation perfectly well.
[And he understands how little "connections" will get them, especially since their return relies on an entirely unknown factor. Either it will be random, or they'll have to rely on the fickle energy of emotions, which is extremely difficult to focus large amounts of into a particular goal. People will feel what they feel. Ren himself hates the idea of being told what to feel, after all.]
[Hux isn't quite sure if Ren does, but he actually doesn't want to get into an argument about it. As long as his co-commander understands that he's not just going to parties, then he can let this go.
The general looks up at the night sky for a moment, trying not to look weary or exhausted. Ren mentioned to him a couple months ago that he needed him to maintain his calm and for whatever reason, he doesn't want to fail him. It's giving him a sense of being the leader that he misses anyway.]
[Ren lets out a long sigh, pausing a few more moments before responding quietly. If he notices Hux's exhaustion, he doesn't give any indication.]
Nothing. Thinking.
[Brooding. He doesn't know why he's in this sort of mood. Perhaps the monotony and the lack of progress is starting to get to him, but either way he just feels... useless.]
[That comment earns Hux a glare, as if he hasn't been insulting the other man the past few minutes, too. The difference is that he doesn't feel he deserves it, of course.]
None of your business.
[It's not as snippy a reply as it would have been normally, but he certainly has no desire to share if the general is going to respond like that.]
[Kylo returns his gaze to the fire, seeming hesitant for a few moments before shaking his head, an frustrated look directed at himself.]
It's nothing. Stupid things not worth discussing.
[He trails off into a mumble. A moment later, he takes a deep breath and folds his left arm over his chest, leaning forward to stare more intently at the fire.]
[Ren turns a suspicious eye towards the general, but what he finds there isn't quite what he expects. He expects to sense an underlying hostility, searching for an opportunity to mock him. Instead, what he feels is that... Hux genuinely wants to know.
He looks back to the fire, hesitant at first as he opens his mouth and closes it again.]
I hate—how helpless I feel here. Like real progress is impossible. [He lets out a frustrated huff of a breath before continuing more quietly.] I don't know how you stand it.
[Normally, Hux would've mocked him, but things aren't exactly the same between them anymore. The general doesn't feel hostility or hatred towards Ren most of the time. He's willing to admit that, although the general stops himself from thinking any further than that.
He keeps his gaze on his co-commander as he speaks.]
I keep myself focused. [Because Hux has had the same thoughts before and like Ren, hates it. He just won't admit it. But it's almost... refreshing to hear Ren admit this out loud.] Progress takes time and can be stalled.
[His frustration comes to the forefront as he grips his right arm, glaring at the fire. It flickers more wildly in response.]
But I've never been so... stuck before. I've always had the chance to go and search for answers, but we can't even leave this damned island. It's suffocating.
[Words of comfort have never been Hux's forte and he's not going to try now. Why try and make a terrible situation seem less bad by using such meaningless words?
Agreeing with Ren isn't admitting weakness, right?]
...It is.
[His voice is a little quieter and he turns his head to look at the fire as well.]
[Ren is silent for a moment or two, though Hux's admission is already making him feel less gloomy for some reason. Misery loves company, he's heard... and it's a rare thing to get sympathy from the man, anyway. He'll take what he can get.]
Even the Finalizer is larger than this stupid piece of floating rock.
[He won't admit that he misses it, but it's clear enough that he does. Things were familiar there. He had purpose. He could move around without being bothered.
He lets out a low noise not unlike a growl.]
I have to get out and do things or I'm going to lose my mind.
The Finalizer was well-maintained, completely ordered with a dependable crew. Rules that were followed... for the most part.
[He sends Ren a look, but it's not as heated as it would normally be.]
Be patient, Ren. You're still under supervision. [Although, he doesn't blame the frustration that the man is feeling.] I estimate that the Enforcers might ease on some restrictions soon.
[He nearly barks a retort, though there's no real heat in it.] I know that!
[Letting out a huff through his nose, he grits his teeth as he tries to calm himself—and calm the fire in front of him, which flared in response to his outburst.]
You say it like waiting is easy. [It's Ren's absolute least favorite thing to do. He just has to hope that Hux is right about it being soon.]
[Hux has always been the type of person with a plan for everything, always waiting for the right time to move or strike (and often missing opportunities, in Ren's opinion). Ren thought he'd be fine with waiting.]
Like when.
[They've been discussing their respective pasts more lately. It's a thought that hits him after the words leave his mouth, and he frowns at himself over it briefly, not sure what to make of it.]
I didn't become a general of the First Order at a very young age for no reason.
[He doesn't mind discussing some of this with Ren. It's not like he has to worry about him taking his place as a general, even though they are both seeking power in the First Order. Ren just has no interest in the military, something that is beneficial to him in this regard. Plus, he can recognize that their strengths are vastly different from each other.]
A lot of it was waiting for the right opportunity to put someone down.
A lot of sneaking around and stabbing in the back, then.
[His disdain is clear, but not particularly aggressive. He's already known Hux didn't get to his position through honest tactics and fair fights. Ren hates that sort of thing, even if he recognizes that it may at times be necessary.]
[As he thought. But it makes sense that the remnants of the Empire, struggling to survive, would have such a harsh environment. The First Order is ruled by those with the most power and greatest ability to do it. They must constantly prove themselves through whatever means necessary.]
[There's not as much worry about someone trying to kill him or trying to learn his weaknesses. Of course, there will always be some exceptions, but those are very rare instead of the norm. He'll of course be careful, but it's strange to meet someone that doesn't have the killing him on the front of their mind.
Admittedly, he doesn't have to worry too much while commanding his troops on the Finalizer, but that's different.]
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lostapprentice) wrote2035-01-06 02:37 am
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I've spoken to one new individual and a few people that now seem more open to the idea of working with me. I'd count that as a success.
[Talk about lowering his standards for success now.]
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Incredible results, truly.
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Getting allies and potential resources is a long process, Ren, especially since we don't have an organization to fall back on. But I don't expect you to understand this at all.
[So he's a bit salty and defensive.]
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His gaze sobers as he turns it back to the fire, answering glumly.]
I understand our situation perfectly well.
[And he understands how little "connections" will get them, especially since their return relies on an entirely unknown factor. Either it will be random, or they'll have to rely on the fickle energy of emotions, which is extremely difficult to focus large amounts of into a particular goal. People will feel what they feel. Ren himself hates the idea of being told what to feel, after all.]
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The general looks up at the night sky for a moment, trying not to look weary or exhausted. Ren mentioned to him a couple months ago that he needed him to maintain his calm and for whatever reason, he doesn't want to fail him. It's giving him a sense of being the leader that he misses anyway.]
What are you doing out here?
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Nothing. Thinking.
[Brooding. He doesn't know why he's in this sort of mood. Perhaps the monotony and the lack of progress is starting to get to him, but either way he just feels... useless.]
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About what? I feel that this a momentous occasion.
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None of your business.
[It's not as snippy a reply as it would have been normally, but he certainly has no desire to share if the general is going to respond like that.]
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[He really wants to know the reason behind Ren's unusual behavior okay.]
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It's nothing. Stupid things not worth discussing.
[He trails off into a mumble. A moment later, he takes a deep breath and folds his left arm over his chest, leaning forward to stare more intently at the fire.]
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[Hux inwardly grimaced at the word 'care.' It was just curiosity, okay. Nothing more. Just an unfortunate turn of phrase.]
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He looks back to the fire, hesitant at first as he opens his mouth and closes it again.]
I hate—how helpless I feel here. Like real progress is impossible. [He lets out a frustrated huff of a breath before continuing more quietly.] I don't know how you stand it.
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He keeps his gaze on his co-commander as he speaks.]
I keep myself focused. [Because Hux has had the same thoughts before and like Ren, hates it. He just won't admit it. But it's almost... refreshing to hear Ren admit this out loud.] Progress takes time and can be stalled.
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But I've never been so... stuck before. I've always had the chance to go and search for answers, but we can't even leave this damned island. It's suffocating.
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Agreeing with Ren isn't admitting weakness, right?]
...It is.
[His voice is a little quieter and he turns his head to look at the fire as well.]
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Even the Finalizer is larger than this stupid piece of floating rock.
[He won't admit that he misses it, but it's clear enough that he does. Things were familiar there. He had purpose. He could move around without being bothered.
He lets out a low noise not unlike a growl.]
I have to get out and do things or I'm going to lose my mind.
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[He sends Ren a look, but it's not as heated as it would normally be.]
Be patient, Ren. You're still under supervision. [Although, he doesn't blame the frustration that the man is feeling.] I estimate that the Enforcers might ease on some restrictions soon.
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[Letting out a huff through his nose, he grits his teeth as he tries to calm himself—and calm the fire in front of him, which flared in response to his outburst.]
You say it like waiting is easy. [It's Ren's absolute least favorite thing to do. He just has to hope that Hux is right about it being soon.]
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[He leans back in his chair and tries not to sigh too loudly.]
I've had to do it quite often in the past.
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Like when.
[They've been discussing their respective pasts more lately. It's a thought that hits him after the words leave his mouth, and he frowns at himself over it briefly, not sure what to make of it.]
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[He doesn't mind discussing some of this with Ren. It's not like he has to worry about him taking his place as a general, even though they are both seeking power in the First Order. Ren just has no interest in the military, something that is beneficial to him in this regard. Plus, he can recognize that their strengths are vastly different from each other.]
A lot of it was waiting for the right opportunity to put someone down.
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[His disdain is clear, but not particularly aggressive. He's already known Hux didn't get to his position through honest tactics and fair fights. Ren hates that sort of thing, even if he recognizes that it may at times be necessary.]
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If you must say it like that.
[Betraying people, but he wanted to be on the top. Powerful. If they were stronger or smarter, maybe they would've lived.]
But that wasn't uncommon in the academy. Trusting others could lead to death.
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Is that not the case now?
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[There's not as much worry about someone trying to kill him or trying to learn his weaknesses. Of course, there will always be some exceptions, but those are very rare instead of the norm. He'll of course be careful, but it's strange to meet someone that doesn't have the killing him on the front of their mind.
Admittedly, he doesn't have to worry too much while commanding his troops on the Finalizer, but that's different.]
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