[That comment earns Hux a glare, as if he hasn't been insulting the other man the past few minutes, too. The difference is that he doesn't feel he deserves it, of course.]
None of your business.
[It's not as snippy a reply as it would have been normally, but he certainly has no desire to share if the general is going to respond like that.]
[Kylo returns his gaze to the fire, seeming hesitant for a few moments before shaking his head, an frustrated look directed at himself.]
It's nothing. Stupid things not worth discussing.
[He trails off into a mumble. A moment later, he takes a deep breath and folds his left arm over his chest, leaning forward to stare more intently at the fire.]
[Ren turns a suspicious eye towards the general, but what he finds there isn't quite what he expects. He expects to sense an underlying hostility, searching for an opportunity to mock him. Instead, what he feels is that... Hux genuinely wants to know.
He looks back to the fire, hesitant at first as he opens his mouth and closes it again.]
I hate—how helpless I feel here. Like real progress is impossible. [He lets out a frustrated huff of a breath before continuing more quietly.] I don't know how you stand it.
[Normally, Hux would've mocked him, but things aren't exactly the same between them anymore. The general doesn't feel hostility or hatred towards Ren most of the time. He's willing to admit that, although the general stops himself from thinking any further than that.
He keeps his gaze on his co-commander as he speaks.]
I keep myself focused. [Because Hux has had the same thoughts before and like Ren, hates it. He just won't admit it. But it's almost... refreshing to hear Ren admit this out loud.] Progress takes time and can be stalled.
[His frustration comes to the forefront as he grips his right arm, glaring at the fire. It flickers more wildly in response.]
But I've never been so... stuck before. I've always had the chance to go and search for answers, but we can't even leave this damned island. It's suffocating.
[Words of comfort have never been Hux's forte and he's not going to try now. Why try and make a terrible situation seem less bad by using such meaningless words?
Agreeing with Ren isn't admitting weakness, right?]
...It is.
[His voice is a little quieter and he turns his head to look at the fire as well.]
[Ren is silent for a moment or two, though Hux's admission is already making him feel less gloomy for some reason. Misery loves company, he's heard... and it's a rare thing to get sympathy from the man, anyway. He'll take what he can get.]
Even the Finalizer is larger than this stupid piece of floating rock.
[He won't admit that he misses it, but it's clear enough that he does. Things were familiar there. He had purpose. He could move around without being bothered.
He lets out a low noise not unlike a growl.]
I have to get out and do things or I'm going to lose my mind.
The Finalizer was well-maintained, completely ordered with a dependable crew. Rules that were followed... for the most part.
[He sends Ren a look, but it's not as heated as it would normally be.]
Be patient, Ren. You're still under supervision. [Although, he doesn't blame the frustration that the man is feeling.] I estimate that the Enforcers might ease on some restrictions soon.
[He nearly barks a retort, though there's no real heat in it.] I know that!
[Letting out a huff through his nose, he grits his teeth as he tries to calm himself—and calm the fire in front of him, which flared in response to his outburst.]
You say it like waiting is easy. [It's Ren's absolute least favorite thing to do. He just has to hope that Hux is right about it being soon.]
[Hux has always been the type of person with a plan for everything, always waiting for the right time to move or strike (and often missing opportunities, in Ren's opinion). Ren thought he'd be fine with waiting.]
Like when.
[They've been discussing their respective pasts more lately. It's a thought that hits him after the words leave his mouth, and he frowns at himself over it briefly, not sure what to make of it.]
I didn't become a general of the First Order at a very young age for no reason.
[He doesn't mind discussing some of this with Ren. It's not like he has to worry about him taking his place as a general, even though they are both seeking power in the First Order. Ren just has no interest in the military, something that is beneficial to him in this regard. Plus, he can recognize that their strengths are vastly different from each other.]
A lot of it was waiting for the right opportunity to put someone down.
A lot of sneaking around and stabbing in the back, then.
[His disdain is clear, but not particularly aggressive. He's already known Hux didn't get to his position through honest tactics and fair fights. Ren hates that sort of thing, even if he recognizes that it may at times be necessary.]
[As he thought. But it makes sense that the remnants of the Empire, struggling to survive, would have such a harsh environment. The First Order is ruled by those with the most power and greatest ability to do it. They must constantly prove themselves through whatever means necessary.]
[There's not as much worry about someone trying to kill him or trying to learn his weaknesses. Of course, there will always be some exceptions, but those are very rare instead of the norm. He'll of course be careful, but it's strange to meet someone that doesn't have the killing him on the front of their mind.
Admittedly, he doesn't have to worry too much while commanding his troops on the Finalizer, but that's different.]
[That wasn't quite what he meant—he was referring more to Hux's current position as general, not the last five months, but...]
No.
[It's not the First Order, here; the two of them are the only real parts of it that are present. What he wouldn't give to have someone else from the Order arrive, as well. Captain Phasma, for instance, or even—]
I wonder what it would be like, if Supreme Leader were here. [...] He probably would have already found a way home.
[Ren sounds disappointed, almost lonely when he says it, though he's not conscious of that fact.]
[He hears the disappointment in Ren's voice and for once, Hux doesn't really hold it against him. The Supreme Leader most likely would've figured something out by now or at the very least, give some sort of guidance. Not that Hux needs it to do what he needs to do, but... sometimes it's helpful.]
Most likely.
[And perhaps because he had a couple of drinks at the party or just the exhaustion settling in, the next few words tumble out.]
[The knight already has his mouth half-open to respond before he even recognizes what was said, and he freezes suddenly when it hits him, blinking in shock and uncertainty as the weight of it dawns on him.
The initial twitch in his brow and tension in his shoulders is a reflection of his knee-jerk reaction to positive things—that is, how he usually tries to deny or otherwise ruin them. But even though he wants to deny the idea that he's not alone—of course he's alone, he's always been alone, because no one could really understand him—it's an idea that he's wanted to be true for a long time. And the fact that Hux is saying this at all means, at the very least, that he doesn't feel alone. He regards Ren as... some sort of companion, someone he's admitted he trusts. Kylo still isn't quite certain what to think of that.
The younger man's shoulders slump slightly, his lower lip twitching as he tries to think of something to say. The only thing that comes to mind, he hesitates to ask: Are we not?
It remains unspoken, but the thought is strong enough to leak through the amulets as he stares at the fire, regardless. It's likely difficult to spot the patch of clover that's grown under his chair due to the limited light, but the slight chill in the air is obvious enough.]
[He's definitely said too much. Hux tries not to look unsettled by his own admission as he defiantly stares into the fire. Even Ren can tell what he's saying by admitting something like that. A certain level of dependence and trust is now something Hux can no longer deny without fully lying.
Although, from the corner of his eye, he can tell that Ren looks almost... glum? It's not the reaction he was expecting. Maybe some mockery at worst, but it soon becomes obvious why he didn't react as such when Ren's unspoken thought reaches him via the amulets.
Should he even answer that?
Hux resists the urge to rub his arms at the chill, still unsure whether or not to say anything further.]
[Kylo redoubles his mental shields when he realizes he'd been open enough to let the thought leave him, even though obviously Hux doesn't have the ability to get in his head without his permission. It's an automatic reaction when he's already feeling defensive, and he's still refusing to look at the other man.]
We've been allies. That's not—
[It's not the same, having allies doesn't mean you're not alone. Ren merely shakes his head instead of finishing the thought, however; Hux knows what he means, surely. They were allies when they hated each other. (When did he stop hating Hux?)
[He's well-aware it's not the same thing and now he's torn between clarifying what he meant or just leaving this all be. Hux already feels that he's said too much, especially to someone that he's hated for a long time. It's not the case now, but the point still stands.
However, the thought of just saying nothing is just as unappealing.]
...I know.
[There, saying enough without saying too much, hopefully.]
[The acknowledgment only makes Kylo Ren feel more conflicted. It makes him come to a realization of something that's been lurking, something he knows has been gradually coming to the surface as of late:
This is dangerous. This is—sentiment. It's weakness. It may be the end of him if he allows it to continue, and he cannot take that risk. He cannot make the same mistakes as those before him. Even if they are allies now, that may not be the case in the future. Hux just admitted he's the kind of man to twist a situation to his advantage, and Ren has no illusions that he'd be immune from such a thing if it came down to it.
But—is it better to quash it now, deal with Hux in the same distant way as before and make the both of them angry and hateful once more? Or does he let it be while they're here, simply make a vow to ignore anything resembling attachment when they return? It's a vow he's made regarding his family, but the next time he sees them in their galaxy, they'll be the enemy. He's already determined in this.
Hux is different: there's no doubt in his mind he'll see the general often as they work towards the First Order's goals.
He doesn't know what to do. So instead of confronting the issue, he stands up from his chair and turns towards the house.]
It's getting late.
[It's a thinly veiled excuse. But he can't face this right now, in front of Hux. He needs to meditate on it.]
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lostapprentice) wrote2035-01-06 02:37 am
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None of your business.
[It's not as snippy a reply as it would have been normally, but he certainly has no desire to share if the general is going to respond like that.]
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[He really wants to know the reason behind Ren's unusual behavior okay.]
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It's nothing. Stupid things not worth discussing.
[He trails off into a mumble. A moment later, he takes a deep breath and folds his left arm over his chest, leaning forward to stare more intently at the fire.]
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[Hux inwardly grimaced at the word 'care.' It was just curiosity, okay. Nothing more. Just an unfortunate turn of phrase.]
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He looks back to the fire, hesitant at first as he opens his mouth and closes it again.]
I hate—how helpless I feel here. Like real progress is impossible. [He lets out a frustrated huff of a breath before continuing more quietly.] I don't know how you stand it.
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He keeps his gaze on his co-commander as he speaks.]
I keep myself focused. [Because Hux has had the same thoughts before and like Ren, hates it. He just won't admit it. But it's almost... refreshing to hear Ren admit this out loud.] Progress takes time and can be stalled.
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But I've never been so... stuck before. I've always had the chance to go and search for answers, but we can't even leave this damned island. It's suffocating.
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Agreeing with Ren isn't admitting weakness, right?]
...It is.
[His voice is a little quieter and he turns his head to look at the fire as well.]
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Even the Finalizer is larger than this stupid piece of floating rock.
[He won't admit that he misses it, but it's clear enough that he does. Things were familiar there. He had purpose. He could move around without being bothered.
He lets out a low noise not unlike a growl.]
I have to get out and do things or I'm going to lose my mind.
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[He sends Ren a look, but it's not as heated as it would normally be.]
Be patient, Ren. You're still under supervision. [Although, he doesn't blame the frustration that the man is feeling.] I estimate that the Enforcers might ease on some restrictions soon.
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[Letting out a huff through his nose, he grits his teeth as he tries to calm himself—and calm the fire in front of him, which flared in response to his outburst.]
You say it like waiting is easy. [It's Ren's absolute least favorite thing to do. He just has to hope that Hux is right about it being soon.]
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[He leans back in his chair and tries not to sigh too loudly.]
I've had to do it quite often in the past.
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Like when.
[They've been discussing their respective pasts more lately. It's a thought that hits him after the words leave his mouth, and he frowns at himself over it briefly, not sure what to make of it.]
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[He doesn't mind discussing some of this with Ren. It's not like he has to worry about him taking his place as a general, even though they are both seeking power in the First Order. Ren just has no interest in the military, something that is beneficial to him in this regard. Plus, he can recognize that their strengths are vastly different from each other.]
A lot of it was waiting for the right opportunity to put someone down.
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[His disdain is clear, but not particularly aggressive. He's already known Hux didn't get to his position through honest tactics and fair fights. Ren hates that sort of thing, even if he recognizes that it may at times be necessary.]
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If you must say it like that.
[Betraying people, but he wanted to be on the top. Powerful. If they were stronger or smarter, maybe they would've lived.]
But that wasn't uncommon in the academy. Trusting others could lead to death.
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Is that not the case now?
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[There's not as much worry about someone trying to kill him or trying to learn his weaknesses. Of course, there will always be some exceptions, but those are very rare instead of the norm. He'll of course be careful, but it's strange to meet someone that doesn't have the killing him on the front of their mind.
Admittedly, he doesn't have to worry too much while commanding his troops on the Finalizer, but that's different.]
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No.
[It's not the First Order, here; the two of them are the only real parts of it that are present. What he wouldn't give to have someone else from the Order arrive, as well. Captain Phasma, for instance, or even—]
I wonder what it would be like, if Supreme Leader were here. [...] He probably would have already found a way home.
[Ren sounds disappointed, almost lonely when he says it, though he's not conscious of that fact.]
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Most likely.
[And perhaps because he had a couple of drinks at the party or just the exhaustion settling in, the next few words tumble out.]
But we're not alone.
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The initial twitch in his brow and tension in his shoulders is a reflection of his knee-jerk reaction to positive things—that is, how he usually tries to deny or otherwise ruin them. But even though he wants to deny the idea that he's not alone—of course he's alone, he's always been alone, because no one could really understand him—it's an idea that he's wanted to be true for a long time. And the fact that Hux is saying this at all means, at the very least, that he doesn't feel alone. He regards Ren as... some sort of companion, someone he's admitted he trusts. Kylo still isn't quite certain what to think of that.
The younger man's shoulders slump slightly, his lower lip twitching as he tries to think of something to say. The only thing that comes to mind, he hesitates to ask: Are we not?
It remains unspoken, but the thought is strong enough to leak through the amulets as he stares at the fire, regardless. It's likely difficult to spot the patch of clover that's grown under his chair due to the limited light, but the slight chill in the air is obvious enough.]
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Although, from the corner of his eye, he can tell that Ren looks almost... glum? It's not the reaction he was expecting. Maybe some mockery at worst, but it soon becomes obvious why he didn't react as such when Ren's unspoken thought reaches him via the amulets.
Should he even answer that?
Hux resists the urge to rub his arms at the chill, still unsure whether or not to say anything further.]
...We're allies. [What an insightful comment.]
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We've been allies. That's not—
[It's not the same, having allies doesn't mean you're not alone. Ren merely shakes his head instead of finishing the thought, however; Hux knows what he means, surely. They were allies when they hated each other. (When did he stop hating Hux?)
His voice is quiet when he speaks again.]
Forget it.
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However, the thought of just saying nothing is just as unappealing.]
...I know.
[There, saying enough without saying too much, hopefully.]
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This is dangerous. This is—sentiment. It's weakness. It may be the end of him if he allows it to continue, and he cannot take that risk. He cannot make the same mistakes as those before him. Even if they are allies now, that may not be the case in the future. Hux just admitted he's the kind of man to twist a situation to his advantage, and Ren has no illusions that he'd be immune from such a thing if it came down to it.
But—is it better to quash it now, deal with Hux in the same distant way as before and make the both of them angry and hateful once more? Or does he let it be while they're here, simply make a vow to ignore anything resembling attachment when they return? It's a vow he's made regarding his family, but the next time he sees them in their galaxy, they'll be the enemy. He's already determined in this.
Hux is different: there's no doubt in his mind he'll see the general often as they work towards the First Order's goals.
He doesn't know what to do. So instead of confronting the issue, he stands up from his chair and turns towards the house.]
It's getting late.
[It's a thinly veiled excuse. But he can't face this right now, in front of Hux. He needs to meditate on it.]
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