[That's how things are between them; it's what they are going to return to. No memories of Verens remained when he went back to their galaxy and he has no reason to think that will change in the future.]
Or are you going to honestly tell me that you still love me? [His voice takes on a mocking tone, but his posture is tense. His hands are clenched tightly and there's a wave of uncertainty and fear coming from Hux that he's unable to push back entirely.]
[Honestly the most he feels for Hux in their galaxy is disdain and annoyance. Hate is too strong a word to even apply to him most of the time, but here? Things are vastly different. He intends to embrace that difference, because in his eyes it's the only chance he has at something nice.]
Yes, I am. Because I do love you, and this—[he holds his left hand up, showing the red ring there]—means something to me.
[Whether it means something to the other man... Kylo already had his doubts, but they've increased tenfold with the general's trip home.]
[Some of that rising hate falters and diminishes when he hears those words once more. As much as he tries to deny it, that sentiment makes his chest tighten, hoping that Kylo means every part of it. Before returning to their galaxy, Hux didn't doubt him for a second; he knew the knight meant them. But the person standing before him now isn't just that knight anymore-- he's also the Supreme Leader.
...But Supreme Leader Kylo Ren is still wearing that ring. When he first came back not too long ago, he was frantic about it. He almost cried when Hux returned the ring to him. So, that means... he should logically know that those feelings haven't just disappeared--]
You're still wearing that?
[He looks down at the ring on his hand, adjusting it and moving it along his finger before leaving it alone. Even though he should just take it off and throw it away, the thought of losing it is not something he is ready to accept.]
[His words and gestures seem to actually have some effect, and for that he feels enough relief for a few leafy plants to sprout from the floorboards.]
I never want to take it off.
[The fact that he wore it into the shower should be evidence enough of that, he hopes. He returns his hand to his side and ventures a few more slow steps forward, and when he speaks again, his voice is quiet, almost timid. He doesn't want to push Hux right back into dealing with all of the emotions that come with mixing the two worlds, but...]
[Seeing that Ren even showered with the ring, Hux doesn't doubt his words. And for all his faults, he's not the type to lie about something like this. Oh, he definitely doubts the fact that the scavenger killed Snoke on her own, but that's an entirely different matter. Honestly, he should be focusing on that and Kylo's failure on Crait, but for some reason, those topics just aren't on the forefront of his mind.
He blames the memories. He blames this forsaken planet. He blames Elios for making him weak like this.
Building from that familiar hatred, Hux glares at Kylo.]
[A brief look of hurt crosses Kylo's face, his mouth opening slightly, but he shakes his head as if to dismiss it. His feelings are unimportant.]
No. You don't.
[He won't demand answers from Armitage, as much as he might want them, even if he technically has the authority to. His gaze moves elsewhere, and though he doesn't know exactly when Hux has been retrieved from, he can sense his ire well enough.]
[The fact that Kylo just let that slide instead of demanding answers, instead of using the Force on him probably speaks volumes on how different their dynamic is here. While Hux is not ready to accept all of his feelings, he can at least admit that their relationship is nowhere near the same while in Verens.
And Kylo bringing up his anger definitely helps him to focus on that, finally able to push away his sentiment so that he can yell at the idiot.]
Considering that your ineptitude as a leader led to the Resistance escaping once again, anger covers only a small percentage of my feelings for you!
[He drops his gaze when Armitage brings up his failures on Crait, the feeling of guilt and failure coming to the forefront of his mind. It's enough to dust some of the room with the same salt crystals that had been on that planet.]
I was— [His instinct is to defend himself, but he cuts himself short, working his jaw before continuing in a different way. Hux is right. He let his feelings get the better of him, as always.]
[Even though Kylo is admitting to his faults now, it doesn't lessen Hux's ire. In fact, he seems even angrier for some reason.]
That's not an excuse! We were so close to victory, so close in bringing stability to our galaxy! And you botched it all up because of your personal grudge against Skywalker!!
[He tried to warn him and all Kylo did was toss him into the wall. Hux's hands clench into fists as the air around them begins to cool.]
The Resistance is supposed to be gone, finally wiped out! And now they have a chance to regroup once more! Do you not understand anything about the war we're in?!
[Kylo barks a retort in response, his voice raised as he cuts Hux off, the floorboards cracking under his feet.]
Do you think I don't know that?!
[He takes a few breaths, his voice returning to his usual quiet volume, though with no less insistent a tone.]
Do you think it doesn't haunt me every day and night? That I don't know just how much I failed? However much you hate me for it will never be more than how much I hate myself.
And what was the first thing you did upon returning here?! You searched for Skywalker and tried to kill him again!! You've learned nothing despite your claim!
[He doesn't care how cold the air is turning now, let the bastard get cold in that robe ...A robe that Hux normally wears.
Even more reason to be annoyed at him.]
Anyone with even the smallest awareness knows that you failed! Acknowledging your mistakes doesn't matter until you actually show some self-restraint!!
[It's pointless to try to explain himself. Hux doesn't care, clearly. He just wants to blame him, to focus on how pathetic he is, and yell at him for all his mistakes, no matter how minor or how he plans to rectify them.
It doesn't matter that Ren was overwhelmed with emotion when he reappeared, and that's why he went after Luke. It doesn't matter that he wants to take Hux's advice into account. It doesn't matter how much Ren missed him.
His gaze turning away and his lower lip twitching, he starts to leave the room, a trail of frost and snow following him.]
Where do you think you're going?! We haven't finished speaking yet!
[Not only is it surprising to see Ren just walk away like this, but it angers Hux. How dare he just leave in the middle of their conversation?! How dare Ren just leave Hux like this when he still has things to say?
Humph, maybe there isn't much difference between this Ren and the one back home. Only difference is that he's not being tossed around or choked.]
[He starts following Ren, not wanting their argument to end like that. Not to mention, he feels a little more confident around the Supreme Leader in Verens. Even if they didn't have... this relationship, death isn't permanent here. He doesn't have as much to fear, right?
It's not like Ren would hurt him too badly. Besides, Hux can handle it... he's been dealing with powerful Force users for years.]
Well, I still do! This conversation isn't over just because you want it to be!
[Hux's anger only rises, not really noticing that Kylo is more defeated than anything. He's just under the impression that his partner deems it unnecessary to answer him, like he's not worth addressing.
A small wave of hurt comes from Hux, but it's buried beneath the anger and hatred.]
[Although he complies with the demand almost immediately, first looking over his shoulder and then turning around on the stairs, there's a hard look in his eye.]
Why?
[His jaw is trembling slightly, though he's keeping most other physical manifestations of his feelings under control.]
So you can see how much it upsets me? Will that satisfy you, Armitage?
[He could tune the other man out once, partly. Most of the time he had just endeavored to suppress whatever he happened to feel about the general's scathing words. But his feelings haven't let him do either in a long time—at least on the island.]
You can say whatever you want about my failures. But I can't watch you while you do it.
[Feeling slightly more brazen, Hux reaches to grab Ren by the arm. It's not something he would do back home, especially given Ren's new position as Supreme Leader, but in Verens it's a different story.]
And why can't you watch me? Why does that make a difference to you?!
[His patience running thin even before Hux grabs at his arm, he's certain that nothing he has the energy to say would make the other man understand. But when Armitage does make that contact, he makes a snap decision, whirling back around and grabbing the redhead to drag him closer, despite the greater height difference thanks to the stairs.
If smashing their mouths together doesn't do the trick, Kylo doesn't know what will.]
[And Hux is instantly silenced when he feels his partner's mouth press against his own. The general feels himself gasping against Ren, but he doesn't pull away, mostly because he doesn't want to. Any thoughts of struggling go away as he returns the kiss, feeling desperate enough to have this.
It really hasn't been that long, but it still seems like a lifetime ago that they shared something like this. ]
[Kylo had experienced that same feeling himself only two weeks ago, which had fueled his need to confirm that their relationship was real—the memories hadn't settled in right, leaving him uneasy and grasping for anything solid.
So that's why he's fairly sure that this will at least remind Hux of what makes this place so different for them.
It's a good fifteen seconds before Ren finally breaks the kiss, but he keeps his hold on the other man's uniform. He doesn't speak immediately, taking a shaky breath or two first.]
Sharing that sort of contact with each other... it would never happen back home. Hux can barely stand to be in the same area as the Supreme Leader, let alone share a kiss with him. But right now, being this close to him, it somehow eases some of that tension and hate and Hux leans just a bit more against his partner.]
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lostapprentice) wrote2035-01-06 02:37 am
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[That's how things are between them; it's what they are going to return to. No memories of Verens remained when he went back to their galaxy and he has no reason to think that will change in the future.]
Or are you going to honestly tell me that you still love me? [His voice takes on a mocking tone, but his posture is tense. His hands are clenched tightly and there's a wave of uncertainty and fear coming from Hux that he's unable to push back entirely.]
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[Honestly the most he feels for Hux in their galaxy is disdain and annoyance. Hate is too strong a word to even apply to him most of the time, but here? Things are vastly different. He intends to embrace that difference, because in his eyes it's the only chance he has at something nice.]
Yes, I am. Because I do love you, and this—[he holds his left hand up, showing the red ring there]—means something to me.
[Whether it means something to the other man... Kylo already had his doubts, but they've increased tenfold with the general's trip home.]
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...But Supreme Leader Kylo Ren is still wearing that ring. When he first came back not too long ago, he was frantic about it. He almost cried when Hux returned the ring to him. So, that means... he should logically know that those feelings haven't just disappeared--]
You're still wearing that?
[He looks down at the ring on his hand, adjusting it and moving it along his finger before leaving it alone. Even though he should just take it off and throw it away, the thought of losing it is not something he is ready to accept.]
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I never want to take it off.
[The fact that he wore it into the shower should be evidence enough of that, he hopes. He returns his hand to his side and ventures a few more slow steps forward, and when he speaks again, his voice is quiet, almost timid. He doesn't want to push Hux right back into dealing with all of the emotions that come with mixing the two worlds, but...]
Did you mean it, when you said yes?
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He blames the memories. He blames this forsaken planet. He blames Elios for making him weak like this.
Building from that familiar hatred, Hux glares at Kylo.]
I don't have to answer you.
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No. You don't.
[He won't demand answers from Armitage, as much as he might want them, even if he technically has the authority to. His gaze moves elsewhere, and though he doesn't know exactly when Hux has been retrieved from, he can sense his ire well enough.]
You must be angry with me.
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And Kylo bringing up his anger definitely helps him to focus on that, finally able to push away his sentiment so that he can yell at the idiot.]
Considering that your ineptitude as a leader led to the Resistance escaping once again, anger covers only a small percentage of my feelings for you!
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I was— [His instinct is to defend himself, but he cuts himself short, working his jaw before continuing in a different way. Hux is right. He let his feelings get the better of him, as always.]
I wasn't thinking clearly.
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That's not an excuse! We were so close to victory, so close in bringing stability to our galaxy! And you botched it all up because of your personal grudge against Skywalker!!
[He tried to warn him and all Kylo did was toss him into the wall. Hux's hands clench into fists as the air around them begins to cool.]
The Resistance is supposed to be gone, finally wiped out! And now they have a chance to regroup once more! Do you not understand anything about the war we're in?!
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Do you think I don't know that?!
[He takes a few breaths, his voice returning to his usual quiet volume, though with no less insistent a tone.]
Do you think it doesn't haunt me every day and night? That I don't know just how much I failed? However much you hate me for it will never be more than how much I hate myself.
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[He doesn't care how cold the air is turning now, let the bastard get cold in that robe ...A robe that Hux normally wears.
Even more reason to be annoyed at him.]
Anyone with even the smallest awareness knows that you failed! Acknowledging your mistakes doesn't matter until you actually show some self-restraint!!
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It doesn't matter that Ren was overwhelmed with emotion when he reappeared, and that's why he went after Luke. It doesn't matter that he wants to take Hux's advice into account. It doesn't matter how much Ren missed him.
His gaze turning away and his lower lip twitching, he starts to leave the room, a trail of frost and snow following him.]
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[Not only is it surprising to see Ren just walk away like this, but it angers Hux. How dare he just leave in the middle of their conversation?! How dare Ren just leave Hux like this when he still has things to say?
Humph, maybe there isn't much difference between this Ren and the one back home. Only difference is that he's not being tossed around or choked.]
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I don't have anything more to say.
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It's not like Ren would hurt him too badly. Besides, Hux can handle it... he's been dealing with powerful Force users for years.]
Well, I still do! This conversation isn't over just because you want it to be!
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Say what you will.
[But Kylo can't look at him while he's doing it. It's bad enough sensing the hatred and anger pointed directly at him.]
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[Hux's anger only rises, not really noticing that Kylo is more defeated than anything. He's just under the impression that his partner deems it unnecessary to answer him, like he's not worth addressing.
A small wave of hurt comes from Hux, but it's buried beneath the anger and hatred.]
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Why?
[His jaw is trembling slightly, though he's keeping most other physical manifestations of his feelings under control.]
So you can see how much it upsets me? Will that satisfy you, Armitage?
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[...Why is Kylo affected so much anyway? Hux supposes that he takes failure just as hard as him. That's the only reason, right?]
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[He could tune the other man out once, partly. Most of the time he had just endeavored to suppress whatever he happened to feel about the general's scathing words. But his feelings haven't let him do either in a long time—at least on the island.]
You can say whatever you want about my failures. But I can't watch you while you do it.
[He turns to go up the stairs once more.]
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[Feeling slightly more brazen, Hux reaches to grab Ren by the arm. It's not something he would do back home, especially given Ren's new position as Supreme Leader, but in Verens it's a different story.]
And why can't you watch me? Why does that make a difference to you?!
[He truly doesn't understand this.]
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If smashing their mouths together doesn't do the trick, Kylo doesn't know what will.]
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[And Hux is instantly silenced when he feels his partner's mouth press against his own. The general feels himself gasping against Ren, but he doesn't pull away, mostly because he doesn't want to. Any thoughts of struggling go away as he returns the kiss, feeling desperate enough to have this.
It really hasn't been that long, but it still seems like a lifetime ago that they shared something like this. ]
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So that's why he's fairly sure that this will at least remind Hux of what makes this place so different for them.
It's a good fifteen seconds before Ren finally breaks the kiss, but he keeps his hold on the other man's uniform. He doesn't speak immediately, taking a shaky breath or two first.]
That's why.
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Sharing that sort of contact with each other... it would never happen back home. Hux can barely stand to be in the same area as the Supreme Leader, let alone share a kiss with him. But right now, being this close to him, it somehow eases some of that tension and hate and Hux leans just a bit more against his partner.]
A-ah...
[Not the most eloquent response he's had.]
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