[Leia stumbles as she's shoved away, thrown off balance by Kylo's extreme reaction. There's the briefest flashes of fear in her expression as the floorboards creak, but it's quickly replaced with a determined resolve to, well, do the exact opposite as long as she can. Part of her knows she's risking her safety again, but for Ben's sake, she doesn't mind it.]
I'm not leaving you.
[She'd tell him, again, it wasn't his fault, but she doubts it'd be any help at this point.]
Shaking, he suddenly steps forward and takes her by the throat, his boots and the floor behind him frosting over, and begins to drag her towards the door.
But even as he does it, and as terrible as he intends to be to her to make her reject him, he can't make himself apply any more pressure than is necessary to keep his grip on her. That's even aside from the fact that his hand is trembling as much as the rest of him and the stricken edge to his furious expression.]
[She expected more shouting, more breaking things, more of the seemingly usual ways Kylo expresses anger. Not this.
He steps forward too suddenly for her to react, and before she knows it, his hand is on her throat. Leia's eyes go wide, and her breath catches in her throat--out of surprise and the pressure he's applying. Her hands immediately go to his wrist, in an attempt to pull his hand off of her, and with that, a layer of frost spreads up his sleeve.
She tries to keep her feet touching the ground, enough so she's at least somewhat able to walk rather than be fully dragged. Because she's trying to do anything she can to lessen that pressure on her neck. The trembling in his grip and the stricken edge to his expression are lost on Leia, for the moment, as she's far too focused on attempting to get him to let go and relieve pressure on her throat.]
[Ren doesn't put much effort into lifting her off the ground, but if Leia manages to do much more than stumble backwards with the pace he's moving at, it will be surprising. He completely ignores the ice crawling up his hand and arm, especially since he's already making a bit of frost on his own, leaving behind white spiderwebs of it on the floor as he steps forward.
He opens the door with a wave of his free hand, slamming it against the wall, and when he gets to the threshold he pushes her physically out of the house with a shout. Given that there are a few stairs leading up to the porch, hopefully she won't fall too far back and have to deal with them.]
[She stumbles as he pushes her out, falling to the ground just short of the edge of the stairs. She sits there for a moment, hands shaking, taking the time to breathe and attempt to calm down. Or at least to look the part, anyway. Her efforts to try and relax and regain her composure do nothing for the ice making its way across the floor and up the support pillars.
But Leia plans on ignoring the obvious signs of her discomfort, as usual, and pulls herself up to her feet after a few moments. Her expression is guarded, wary of Kylo and what he might do next, but Kylo--someone who was raised by and grew up around Leia--will easily recognize the hurt behind her expression.]
You don't need to force yourself to act like him. You're better than that.
[It's obvious who "him" refers to, with the hatred with which Leia says the word.]
[Of course Kylo sees that hurt even if he couldn't sense it, but it's exactly what he wanted to do, even if there's a hint of pain behind his own glare. At least, until he's mentioned, which he also picks up on immediately, and instead all that frost starts to melt thanks to the wave of heat that comes off of him.]
Don't compare me to that failure.
[He's begun to agree with Leia that Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader are the same stupid man, the more he thinks about it. Even as much as he likes to separate himself from Ben Solo, that's because he fully intends to break off from the sorts of mistakes that ended the Sith Lord. If he's foolish enough to let his family chain him down, then they can call him what they like when he's dead.
For now, though, he's mostly pissed off at what he's seen as disrespect from the former Jedi.]
Even aside from how weak he allows himself to be, he's disgusting.
[Leia doesn't disagree with any of those opinions of Anakin Skywalker, but the fact that they're coming from Ben, and not from her or Han, makes Leia pause. She knew Ben wasn't on the greatest terms with Anakin, but the last time he had come up in conversation, it hadn't prompted this much anger from him.
She raises an eyebrow, studying Kylo for a moment after his answer. When she responds, she speaks a bit slower than normal, as if expecting it to be a trap or for Kylo's reasoning for this turn in his attitude toward Anakin being something she wouldn't approve of. Something like "oh he wouldn't teach me Dark Side nonsense."]
What did he do to you?
[Because as always with Anakin, when she hears about him, Leia's first impulse is to assume Anakin did something to whoever's talking about him. She doesn't trust him to behave any other way, and thinking of the worst-case scenario and planning for that tends to make the less horrible options easier to deal with.]
[The events on the surface were aggravating in more than a few ways, but in addition to the rise in temperature, the wood of the door frame starts to flake and curl, not unlike the curl of his lip.
It's utterly and wholly deplorable, what he had the misfortune to witness. Kylo may not always be ashamed of himself when he needs to be, but he has some amount of decency.]
He managed to leave a scar despite repeatedly refusing to the fight I wanted. As much as I want to forget it, it's a reminder of how flawed everything from that time was.
[It's strange for Leia, hearing that. Because as much as she hates Anakin, she's glad to know that he has at least enough sense to not fight and injure Ben. It's far more than she expected from him, and it's a weird thing to think about.
But there's more than that, she knows. If it was just Ben feeling disrespected, he would have said as much, not give a vague nonanswer to her question.]
[The only reason he complies with the request is to put the terrible image burned into his mind into hers. And what better way to do that than directly?]
You can see for yourself.
[Without warning, he sends a memory across the amulets. His pathetic excuse for a grandfather and the man who raised him, out in the open in the middle of everyone trying to channel their envy towards opening Aiada's temple, not only showing a complete lack of restraint for the sake of their task but also being utterly shameless. Kylo's disdain and disgust color the memory a bit, but they do nothing to obscure it.
Kylo holds grudges pretty bad, and this is just icing on the cake, really.]
[She hesitates at first, unsure what he's sending her, but it isn't long before Leia accepts the memory. If she wants to understand what happened to Ben--and she does--she knows she needs to see what it was that bothered him this badly. She's not sure what she expected, but she is sure it wasn't this.
Even without Kylo's disdain and disgust coloring the memory, Leia would feel exactly the same, her disgust evident on her face as she continues to watch. There's a lot to deal with here, beyond the obvious, and more than anything, the main thing Leia focuses on is not Anakin, but Obi-Wan. This isn't something she expects from Anakin, but it's not as if she has high expectations of him in the first place, but Obi-Wan? All this does is make her question just where Obi-Wan's defense of Anakin was actually coming from.]
How long has this been going on?
[Because by Anakin's responses, it seems like this wasn't the first time for them.]
[As stoic as he intends to be towards his mother, he does internally appreciate the fact that she shares the same thoughts about it as he does. At least as far as he can sense. It's good enough for him.
One can always trust Leia Organa to judge people, after all.]
Two months at least.
[That's how long ago that memory was, in any case.]
I prefer not to know any more details about their relationship.
Honestly, this much information is already more than I ever wanted to know.
[And more than she ever wanted to see, as well. She isn't sure whether she would've believed Ben wasn't entirely exaggerating things if he had just told her what he saw, but part of her wishes he had done that instead, to spare her this mental image.]
I thought they would have more sense of propriety than this.
[Because clearly they were meant to be helping out and not making out, but well. She can see how that went.]
[Leia's preference has only occurred to him in the sense of what he wants to do in order to aggravate or upset her, unfortunately. Plus, this way he doesn't have to actually spend his energy trying to explain it.]
You expect too much. The Jedi have never done what's appropriate.
I can’t imagine being a Jedi has anything to do with this.
[well it’s more that she can’t imagine this being something the Jedi order would be okay with in the first place. She may not know too much in depth about the Jedi order, not beyond stories about the Jedi from Bail or what she’s been told by Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan here, but what she does know is that attachments weren’t something the Jedi looked favorably upon.]
[It's not as if she likes comparing Ben to Anakin. She doesn't want them to be alike in any way, as many similarities in how unpredictable and angry they could be there are.
But if Ben doesn't want those comparisons, Leia is happy to oblige. Not just because pf this (or because she generally thinks higher of Ben anyway), but also because, to her, any rejection of Anakin from Ben is a step in the right direction.]
It hasn't been something I've been bringing up in casual conversation.
[Mainly because he'd like to forget it. Hux knows, but it's not as if Leia would care about that in particular. Hux would be judging the Jedi even without knowing that piece of information, anyway.
But if Leia wants to spread it around, Kylo's not going to stop her. Let them reap whatever may come from this. (As if he isn't halfway attempting to keep his own relationship from the Enforcers as a whole...)]
[Leia nods, conceding Kylo's point. It's not something she would know how to bring up herself in the first place, really, but at least she knows now that she's not one of one or two people (because there's no way Han would have known and not told her) not aware of this.
...Though she isn't sure being one of a few who is feels any better.]
For the best. I don't know if there's any way to bring it up in conversation with anyone else.
[As nice as it is to judge someone as a family and all—Kylo has no plans to simply let his mother back in the house after forcibly tossing her outside. Despite the temporary distraction, he hasn't forgotten the realization that drove him to start actively pushing her away again.
It's for her own damn sake, but she's too stupid to see it.]
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lostapprentice) wrote2035-01-06 02:37 am
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I'm not leaving you.
[She'd tell him, again, it wasn't his fault, but she doubts it'd be any help at this point.]
I don't want you to be alone.
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Shaking, he suddenly steps forward and takes her by the throat, his boots and the floor behind him frosting over, and begins to drag her towards the door.
But even as he does it, and as terrible as he intends to be to her to make her reject him, he can't make himself apply any more pressure than is necessary to keep his grip on her. That's even aside from the fact that his hand is trembling as much as the rest of him and the stricken edge to his furious expression.]
no subject
He steps forward too suddenly for her to react, and before she knows it, his hand is on her throat. Leia's eyes go wide, and her breath catches in her throat--out of surprise and the pressure he's applying. Her hands immediately go to his wrist, in an attempt to pull his hand off of her, and with that, a layer of frost spreads up his sleeve.
She tries to keep her feet touching the ground, enough so she's at least somewhat able to walk rather than be fully dragged. Because she's trying to do anything she can to lessen that pressure on her neck. The trembling in his grip and the stricken edge to his expression are lost on Leia, for the moment, as she's far too focused on attempting to get him to let go and relieve pressure on her throat.]
no subject
He opens the door with a wave of his free hand, slamming it against the wall, and when he gets to the threshold he pushes her physically out of the house with a shout. Given that there are a few stairs leading up to the porch, hopefully she won't fall too far back and have to deal with them.]
no subject
But Leia plans on ignoring the obvious signs of her discomfort, as usual, and pulls herself up to her feet after a few moments. Her expression is guarded, wary of Kylo and what he might do next, but Kylo--someone who was raised by and grew up around Leia--will easily recognize the hurt behind her expression.]
You don't need to force yourself to act like him. You're better than that.
[It's obvious who "him" refers to, with the hatred with which Leia says the word.]
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Don't compare me to that failure.
[He's begun to agree with Leia that Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader are the same stupid man, the more he thinks about it. Even as much as he likes to separate himself from Ben Solo, that's because he fully intends to break off from the sorts of mistakes that ended the Sith Lord. If he's foolish enough to let his family chain him down, then they can call him what they like when he's dead.
For now, though, he's mostly pissed off at what he's seen as disrespect from the former Jedi.]
Even aside from how weak he allows himself to be, he's disgusting.
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She raises an eyebrow, studying Kylo for a moment after his answer. When she responds, she speaks a bit slower than normal, as if expecting it to be a trap or for Kylo's reasoning for this turn in his attitude toward Anakin being something she wouldn't approve of. Something like "oh he wouldn't teach me Dark Side nonsense."]
What did he do to you?
[Because as always with Anakin, when she hears about him, Leia's first impulse is to assume Anakin did something to whoever's talking about him. She doesn't trust him to behave any other way, and thinking of the worst-case scenario and planning for that tends to make the less horrible options easier to deal with.]
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It's utterly and wholly deplorable, what he had the misfortune to witness. Kylo may not always be ashamed of himself when he needs to be, but he has some amount of decency.]
He managed to leave a scar despite repeatedly refusing to the fight I wanted. As much as I want to forget it, it's a reminder of how flawed everything from that time was.
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But there's more than that, she knows. If it was just Ben feeling disrespected, he would have said as much, not give a vague nonanswer to her question.]
Tell me what he did, Ben.
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You can see for yourself.
[Without warning, he sends a memory across the amulets. His pathetic excuse for a grandfather and the man who raised him, out in the open in the middle of everyone trying to channel their envy towards opening Aiada's temple, not only showing a complete lack of restraint for the sake of their task but also being utterly shameless. Kylo's disdain and disgust color the memory a bit, but they do nothing to obscure it.
Kylo holds grudges pretty bad, and this is just icing on the cake, really.]
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Even without Kylo's disdain and disgust coloring the memory, Leia would feel exactly the same, her disgust evident on her face as she continues to watch. There's a lot to deal with here, beyond the obvious, and more than anything, the main thing Leia focuses on is not Anakin, but Obi-Wan. This isn't something she expects from Anakin, but it's not as if she has high expectations of him in the first place, but Obi-Wan? All this does is make her question just where Obi-Wan's defense of Anakin was actually coming from.]
How long has this been going on?
[Because by Anakin's responses, it seems like this wasn't the first time for them.]
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One can always trust Leia Organa to judge people, after all.]
Two months at least.
[That's how long ago that memory was, in any case.]
I prefer not to know any more details about their relationship.
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[And more than she ever wanted to see, as well. She isn't sure whether she would've believed Ben wasn't entirely exaggerating things if he had just told her what he saw, but part of her wishes he had done that instead, to spare her this mental image.]
I thought they would have more sense of propriety than this.
[Because clearly they were meant to be helping out and not making out, but well. She can see how that went.]
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You expect too much. The Jedi have never done what's appropriate.
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[well it’s more that she can’t imagine this being something the Jedi order would be okay with in the first place. She may not know too much in depth about the Jedi order, not beyond stories about the Jedi from Bail or what she’s been told by Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan here, but what she does know is that attachments weren’t something the Jedi looked favorably upon.]
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[No matter what generation it is, they're all fools and mess up something significant at some point.]
It's clear Anakin Skywalker intends to cling to it in the most abhorrent way possible, so don't compare me to him again.
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[It's not as if she likes comparing Ben to Anakin. She doesn't want them to be alike in any way, as many similarities in how unpredictable and angry they could be there are.
But if Ben doesn't want those comparisons, Leia is happy to oblige. Not just because pf this (or because she generally thinks higher of Ben anyway), but also because, to her, any rejection of Anakin from Ben is a step in the right direction.]
Does anyone else know of this?
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[Mainly because he'd like to forget it. Hux knows, but it's not as if Leia would care about that in particular. Hux would be judging the Jedi even without knowing that piece of information, anyway.
But if Leia wants to spread it around, Kylo's not going to stop her. Let them reap whatever may come from this. (As if he isn't halfway attempting to keep his own relationship from the Enforcers as a whole...)]
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...Though she isn't sure being one of a few who is feels any better.]
For the best. I don't know if there's any way to bring it up in conversation with anyone else.
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[As nice as it is to judge someone as a family and all—Kylo has no plans to simply let his mother back in the house after forcibly tossing her outside. Despite the temporary distraction, he hasn't forgotten the realization that drove him to start actively pushing her away again.
It's for her own damn sake, but she's too stupid to see it.]