[As much as she thinks it's obvious, his brief look of confusion nearing surprise says otherwise. He supposes he's made another mistaken assumption about who exactly Rey is close to—but instead of a particular person, it's the number of people, and again he's underestimated how much...
No, he doesn't quite want to go there, out of fear of making a much more dangerous assumption. His gaze darts away as he tries to move away from his thoughts regarding that, attempting to regain his dignity.]
[He remembers the day? Rey's face brightens and with it the whole room.]
Empta 5. [She has a birthday. A fake birthday. But a birthday! It's a little bit exciting even if it's pretend.
But her celebration is short-lived, when she realizes he's not nearly so cheerful. Rather, Kylo seems confused and embarrassed, and she isn't sure why. Rey nearly reaches for the hand closest to hers, but decides against it. She does, however, lean over to try and get more in his eyeline now that he's turned his gaze away.]
Unless you'd rather I didn't pick that one. You seem surprised I did, and I don't know why.
[Ren shakes his head to deny the idea that he has much of a right to decide such a thing for her, turning his attention back to her as she leans towards him.]
It's your decision. [Even if he appreciates the fact that she... apparently wants to take his opinion into account.]
I just thought you'd have others that meant more to you.
[She leans back again to her normal position as soon as she regains his attention, looking at him with confusion of her own, as well as a bit of concern. Does Kylo really not understand what he means to her? She thought that would've been pretty clear by now.
This time Rey does take his hand, setting her own solidly on top of his much larger one. She furrows her brow at him and leans forward slightly to make sure her next words come out as insistent and earnest as she intends them to.]
[There's something in his eyes that softens at her reassurance, but there's still some clear uncertainty in his expression as he swallows.
He lets out a nervous chuckle, glancing at their hands and then the box.]
I suppose that should be obvious by now, shouldn't it?
[He still has a hard time believing it. It's in his nature to assume no one truly thinks much of him, that he always has to prove himself. He's always searching for those indications that his paranoia is right.]
[Her mouth quirks upward to make it clear she's (mostly) teasing. But she still doesn't take her hand off his or move her eyes from his face. He still seems unsure, after all, and that's simply not acceptable. Not after everything that's happened between them.]
But clearly it's not. So what do I have to do to make it obvious to you?
[What's more overt than so many gifts? What's more overt than wanting her birthday to be a day she remembers him? He honestly sees that she's done basically everything she logically should to make him believe it, and the problem isn't with her words or actions. It's him, and he's aware of that.]
[Rey clearly isn't convinced. But Kylo also isn't exactly offering anything helpful, nor does he seem to be as uncertain as before, so she finally leans back and, a few seconds later, removes her hand from his.]
Not enough. [She huffs to show her dissatisfaction.] I'll think of something. You'll see.
[His hand twitches on the table when she pulls away, as does his mouth, but he stays where he is without any other movement.
He can see she's not giving it up, so he sees little point in trying to argue about this particular issue, shaking his head to express his exasperation.]
[She catches that subtle twitch of his hand out of the corner of her eye and wonders if she shouldn't have pulled her hand away. He's odd about that sort of thing, she's noticed. Physical contact. Sometimes he's clearly uncomfortable with it and looks glad to have it over with. Other times he seems almost starved for it, and part of her aches to have taken it away.
But returning her hand to his now would be weird. At the very least, it would draw attention to his twitches and therefore what she's sure he would consider weakness.
So instead she moves forward and out of her chair to give him a hug. It's awkward, with his body still tilted sideways and him still seated while she bends over just a bit—even seated he's absurdly tall—but Rey is an accomplished hugger by this point, and she manages to make it work. For now she'll keep her arms loosely around his neck and tuck her chin against the top of his hair. With any luck, since she's reminded him of the day he gave her that pin, she can get a hug returned this time, though she's not counting on it.]
[The position she essentially drags him into is certainly awkward, to be sure—but he doesn't even think about resisting it at this point, considering how ridiculous it would be. For him to refuse it now, after everything they've just talked about... there's really no point.
So he does return it, as best he can; he has to shuffle sideways to get both his arms around her, resting his head against her chest. Still, he can't resist a bit of grumbling thanks to the discomfort.]
[With his head on her chest, he'll likely be able to feel her light chuckle at his complaint.]
I'm open to suggestions.
[She grumbled about him in a similar way on that day a year ago, so she'll allow him his grumpiness, particularly since it comes with a returned hug. It's the first one she's gotten from him since then, not counting the time when Elios interfered, and the room fills up with soft sunlight as a result. And now that she's not distracted by the confusion of memories trying to sort themselves out in her brain, she can properly enjoy it this time.]
[As odd and unfortunate as the positioning is, it doesn't really matter, does it. For all the times they've shared any kind of affection, he thinks this is the first time she's initiated an embrace without any prompting.
He constantly deals with discomfort intentionally, anyway.]
... It's fine.
[It's weakness, comes the usual thought, that he allows this, that he reciprocates it, that he even allows himself to enjoy such frivolous things as a birthday or gifts. But it's here, and he can't stop himself, and the soft garden that's emerged from the floor only shows a few bits of frost in response to his doubts. It's easy enough to miss.]
[Rey can't see the frost or really even what plants he's growing this time, not when her attention is occupied by fluffy dark hair and warm arms. But the sunshine in the room is enough to melt away all but the most stubborn of icy patches, so she really doesn't need to pay attention.]
If you say so.
[She sighs and without thinking tilts her face downward to rest her cheek against the top of his head, her breath blowing in his hair when she speaks.]
[He stares out the back doors, trying not to think terribly hard about the warmth that shouldn't really be reaching this far into the room, or the amount of comfort this position gives him despite what he's said aloud. The easiest thing is to bring attention to his more standoffish nature.]
You also tend to like this more than I do.
[He doesn't really think about any of the implications that might come with those words aside from what he actually means, which is that Rey is more of the hugging type than he is and seems to be a bit less picky than he is when it comes to who gets those. In trying to balance the positivity, he may have tilted it a bit far in the other direction.
[Fortunately, the more negative implications slip entirely past Rey.]
I've noticed. This is only the second hug I've gotten from you, you know.
[She's perfectly aware he's not as fond of hugs as she is. And clearly, the fact that she's won another coveted Kylo Hug is enough to keep her mood from dropping even with his grumblings. He isn't moving away, and he still has his arms around her, and those are the things she considers most important.]
I wish you'd give more. You're not bad at them, when you aren't complaining.
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lostapprentice) wrote2035-01-06 02:37 am
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No, he doesn't quite want to go there, out of fear of making a much more dangerous assumption. His gaze darts away as he tries to move away from his thoughts regarding that, attempting to regain his dignity.]
Empta 5, then.
[Because of course he remembers that day.]
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Empta 5. [She has a birthday. A fake birthday. But a birthday! It's a little bit exciting even if it's pretend.
But her celebration is short-lived, when she realizes he's not nearly so cheerful. Rather, Kylo seems confused and embarrassed, and she isn't sure why. Rey nearly reaches for the hand closest to hers, but decides against it. She does, however, lean over to try and get more in his eyeline now that he's turned his gaze away.]
Unless you'd rather I didn't pick that one. You seem surprised I did, and I don't know why.
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It's your decision. [Even if he appreciates the fact that she... apparently wants to take his opinion into account.]
I just thought you'd have others that meant more to you.
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This time Rey does take his hand, setting her own solidly on top of his much larger one. She furrows her brow at him and leans forward slightly to make sure her next words come out as insistent and earnest as she intends them to.]
You mean plenty.
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He lets out a nervous chuckle, glancing at their hands and then the box.]
I suppose that should be obvious by now, shouldn't it?
[He still has a hard time believing it. It's in his nature to assume no one truly thinks much of him, that he always has to prove himself. He's always searching for those indications that his paranoia is right.]
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[Her mouth quirks upward to make it clear she's (mostly) teasing. But she still doesn't take her hand off his or move her eyes from his face. He still seems unsure, after all, and that's simply not acceptable. Not after everything that's happened between them.]
But clearly it's not. So what do I have to do to make it obvious to you?
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That's not necessary.
[What's more overt than so many gifts? What's more overt than wanting her birthday to be a day she remembers him? He honestly sees that she's done basically everything she logically should to make him believe it, and the problem isn't with her words or actions. It's him, and he's aware of that.]
You've already done plenty.
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Not enough. [She huffs to show her dissatisfaction.] I'll think of something. You'll see.
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He can see she's not giving it up, so he sees little point in trying to argue about this particular issue, shaking his head to express his exasperation.]
If you insist.
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But returning her hand to his now would be weird. At the very least, it would draw attention to his twitches and therefore what she's sure he would consider weakness.
So instead she moves forward and out of her chair to give him a hug. It's awkward, with his body still tilted sideways and him still seated while she bends over just a bit—even seated he's absurdly tall—but Rey is an accomplished hugger by this point, and she manages to make it work. For now she'll keep her arms loosely around his neck and tuck her chin against the top of his hair. With any luck, since she's reminded him of the day he gave her that pin, she can get a hug returned this time, though she's not counting on it.]
I insist.
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So he does return it, as best he can; he has to shuffle sideways to get both his arms around her, resting his head against her chest. Still, he can't resist a bit of grumbling thanks to the discomfort.]
You're not making this easy.
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I'm open to suggestions.
[She grumbled about him in a similar way on that day a year ago, so she'll allow him his grumpiness, particularly since it comes with a returned hug. It's the first one she's gotten from him since then, not counting the time when Elios interfered, and the room fills up with soft sunlight as a result. And now that she's not distracted by the confusion of memories trying to sort themselves out in her brain, she can properly enjoy it this time.]
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He constantly deals with discomfort intentionally, anyway.]
... It's fine.
[It's weakness, comes the usual thought, that he allows this, that he reciprocates it, that he even allows himself to enjoy such frivolous things as a birthday or gifts. But it's here, and he can't stop himself, and the soft garden that's emerged from the floor only shows a few bits of frost in response to his doubts. It's easy enough to miss.]
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If you say so.
[She sighs and without thinking tilts her face downward to rest her cheek against the top of his head, her breath blowing in his hair when she speaks.]
It's not bad from my perspective, at least.
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You also tend to like this more than I do.
[He doesn't really think about any of the implications that might come with those words aside from what he actually means, which is that Rey is more of the hugging type than he is and seems to be a bit less picky than he is when it comes to who gets those. In trying to balance the positivity, he may have tilted it a bit far in the other direction.
... still, it's not like he's moving.]
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I've noticed. This is only the second hug I've gotten from you, you know.
[She's perfectly aware he's not as fond of hugs as she is. And clearly, the fact that she's won another coveted Kylo Hug is enough to keep her mood from dropping even with his grumblings. He isn't moving away, and he still has his arms around her, and those are the things she considers most important.]
I wish you'd give more. You're not bad at them, when you aren't complaining.