lostapprentice | Empatheias Mailbox/Amulet

[Anakin gets an honest answer, though Ren wonders where he's going with this.]

I do.

And what do you think of it?

[ The idea of being destined to something... ]

I find it comforting.

[Having a place in the galaxy, being meant for something. And though he wouldn't say it... being guided by something, knowing that the difficult choices he makes are made by him alone, is something of a relief.]

I dislike the very idea of it existing. It implies that we have no control, but are merely tools.

[ As to not use the term slaves here. ]

I'd rather think that my decisions are my own. That there was more to Qui-Gon bringing me to Coruscant than destiny aiming to achieve a certain outcome...

[ To him, this is a depressing thought. ]

I see...

[It's a part of what sets them apart, he supposes. But he can't change how he feels about it, and he doesn't really want to anyway.]

Well. Perhaps you can take comfort in the fact that the Force and any destiny it may have set out has little influence here.

That's the one thing I'm actually glad about. No one's referring to me as the Chosen One and no one expects me to fulfill any prophecies.

[ He knows that the Council treated him unfairly because of their ridiculous expectations... ]

[I could only hope to be deemed so important, thinks Kylo, and though the thought doesn't slip through, a sense of his envy does.]

It's hard to believe a Chosen One would actually be informed of that title.

[It does seem like a recipe for disaster...]

They were very open about it.

[ No, Ren. This is nothing to hope for. ]

Sometimes I think I was lucky that they didn't try to lock me up at the Temple.

Perhaps they were at least smart enough to realize that would only make you want to leave.

[Even though obviously he still did have that desire.]

I wanted to leave more often than you might think. I even handed my lightsaber back to Obi-Wan once. But in the end... I had nowhere else to go. And I still could do the most good if I stayed with the Temple.

So I stayed...

Do you really think that?

[It's not as accusatory a question as Anakin might expect; it's sincere curiosity.]

That you had nowhere to go? That you couldn't have done as much good elsewhere?

I was a Padawan and owned nothing. I was... Fourteen? And my mother was on another planet. At that time I still hoped I could make a difference. That the Jedi meant to do good...

[Well, Ren could see that at that age, the galaxy would seem daunting. But...]

And you didn't consider it again after that?

I did. Usually when I had to deal with the Council. But as I grew older, I was assigned to more missions and spent more time away from the Temple.

And then the war happened.

And then you felt you had a responsibility to stay.

[One doesn't typically feel the desire to just quit halfway through a war when one is a Skywalker. ... well, okay, Luke kind of ran away from the whole burning Jedi temple thing, but he had to in order to just survive, pretty much.]

That makes enough sense.

I never wanted to betray them, but I just couldn't get myself to agree with everything the Order did or the Council decided.

[ Barriss may have been right after all... ]

But let's not keep going on about that, okay?

No one would agree with everything an organization decided.

[But Kylo has no problems letting the topic go. He feels like he's gained a little insight, at least.]

... As you like.

Yeah. It's just... I idolized the Jedi as a kid, but having been one of them just... It wasn't what I expected.

But I guess it's one of those experiences you make when you grow up.

I've found that idolizing people doesn't often work out the way you would hope.

[Not... mentioning any names.]

[ Here's a small hint of amusement coming through. ]

Yeah, sorry about that. Maybe I'm just meant to disappoint the entire family for different reasons.

[The response that comes back is dull.]

I suppose we have that much in common.

It's not exactly what one would hope to inherit.

[ A pause. ]

But I hear you've taken interest in my lightsaber anyway.

[ Just as several others. Which still puzzles him. ]

I was surprised that it even still exists in your time.

[The feeling of internal grumbling goes here. But he refrains from bringing up his interest in family artifacts in lieu of discussing something a bit more neutral.]

I was just as surprised as you when I first saw it intact. It was lost in the clouds of a gas giant when your son last had it.

[... he also refrains from mentioning that Anakin cut off his son's hand at the time.]

My son... Luke...

[ Welp. Apparently Luke inherited his father's habit of losing his lightsaber... ]

Had I known that this weapon will one day be so popular, I would have constructed something more worth all the attention. You know. Like the darksaber or something.

Its connection to you and your son is what makes it valuable, along with the rarity of lightsabers in general.

[Ren himself may be part of the reason behind that rarity, but he's not going to bring that up either.]

Besides that, it's constructed well enough. [Don't feel so down on yourself, or something?]

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